15 Times A Week, No 20, Make That 25.

The other day I was talking to my friend who says, "it's so awesome having sex 15 times a week."

I hadn't gotten lucky with my husband for a few days. She was only the second person that day to tell me how much sex she was having and in my grouchy deprived voice I say, "please don't talk to me about sex right now."

While, I have written my ideal amount of sex would be everyday, with work, opposite work schedules, plus kids that number is fiction. The days I don't get lucky I take a very long shower.

Thank goodness my husband only works 185 days a year. Of course, that doesn't account for the other 480 days he has to lesson plan and grade papers. But at least on those days he can sleep in and not wake up at 5:30 AM.

A few days later my friend changed her number. Good thing I don't cuss on the blog.

"Can I talk about your sex life in the blog," I ask her. I always, I think, anyways, ask people if I can talk about their private intimate details before I mention it on the blog.

I can tell when I talk to people, about private stuff, their minds are wondering if they are going to read about it the next day in my blog. Especially when they say things like, "I never want to be in the blog!" I hope that doesn't count?

I don't won't to go Jenny Schecter (from The L Word) on my friends. Jenny wrote an expose on her friends lives, and it turned into a movie. Her friends were really pissed. She hardly changed their names either. And she wasn't very nice about what she said. But she got really rich. I like that part. I want that part.

"Yeah...... my friend answers" "But I think we have been having sex more like 20 times a week. Wait, it's more like 25." I was starting to wonder if she was exaggerating for the sake of the blog.

Oh to be childless, think of all the sex I could be having.........But even I wouldn't trade my kids in for more sex, not for more than a month anyways. And I would definitely visit them if I didn't have to get on plane or drive for more than two hours. Is that called summer camp? Is this the time parents catch up on their sex lives?

Oh well, until summer time, cartoons will have to do.

That's Why I Love You

"That's why I love you," says Stefan after reading my blog.

"Why?" I ask.

"Because you're so funny, and that's the only reason," he says laughing.

"And I thought you loved me because I look just like Angelina Jolie when I'm naked?"

"She doesn't do anything for me," he says. "She looks like an alien."

Although, I think if we were watching her in a movie he might feel differently. But maybe the whole Billy Bob blood thing is still lingering in the back of his mind. Sounds like Billy and Angie each thought the other was Jesus or something.

At any rate, Angelina doesn't really do anything for me either. While, Brad Pitt may be a better person, I have to say he doesn't look as cute since he became Brangelina. He looks prettier standing alongside Jennifer Aniston.

And Stefan probably wouldn't have left Jennifer Aniston for Angelina if he was Brad, but I would have. So let's see what he thinks of the other Jennifer.

"Okay does Jennifer Nettles do it for you?" I ask leadingly.

"Yeah," he says. And I can feel his body getting excited at the thought of her. He was trying to hide it, but I'm really kinesthetic.

Now there is something we can both agree on.

PCEXPURT

Figment of my imagination.

When I am not thinking of surfing I am usually thinking of sex. Thinking about sex isn't just for guys anymore. Besides, the biggest philosophical debate among surfers is: Is surfing better than sex? All I can say, without directly answering that question is, if the waves are bad I can find better things to do. But when it comes right down to it, I'd rather not have to choose.

I saw this license plate while flying my airplane the other day. Just kidding. I was driving, silly. I thought the license plate said, "69CEXPRT." I was about to start following the car, for advice an all, when I realize the driver is just a computer expert.

Digital reenactment.

Don't get me wrong with the craziness of computers the world needs all the computer geeks it can get. I thought the P was a 6 and I was pronouncing the C like an s, as in, "ssssssssss." Just like the c found in precise, brace, face, mace.......Yes,

A few blocks later the car was gone and I thought to myself, "What if the P stood for something else entirely?" But the car had disappeared into the traffic, just like another beautiful face in the crowd.

I am wondering, Internet, what did you see? I can't wait to hear from you. And please, notice, I capitalize your name, because I respect your feedback and I can't wait for your comments. Thanks! Oh and for those who would like to leave a comment but are shy, select the anonymous option. Also, all comments must be approved by the editor of this blog, me, before they are posted, meaning you won't instantly see your comment.