Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Got Tens Unit

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For weeks I have had this pain to the left of my knee every time I kneel down on my knee cap. I figure it's a scrape or some kind of rug burn injury. But when I look down to inspect the area, there is no sign of skin damage or any inflammation.

Cancer, I must have Cancer!!!!! Immediately, I push on my leg sure to find a TUMOR. But I feel no bumps. Of course, it's probably a tiny, fast growing tumor.

I google knee cancer. According to google and people on the internet with my EXACT symptoms I have some sort of nerve thingy going on. Especially since when putting pressure on the knee cap it refers to the side of my leg next door to the knee cap.

Phew. This will just get better, magically all by itself, I hope. And pray. And, also, I massage my knee for the next few days. Except my leg doesn't improve. Also, it feels worse.

My mind briefly revisits the cancer self diagnosis. Then considers a trip to the doctor but that takes time and effort. And she ll probably just prescribe drugs. And I don't need drugs. Because they have side effects, like ADDICTION!!!

"My leg hurts when I kneel on my knee," I explain to Surfstefan.

"Well, stop doing that," he says calmly.

"I already tried that and it feels worse," I say. "Besides, who is going to clean the litter box if I can't kneel?"

TBH, Internet, I really don't like the way he cleans the litter box. And I'm pretty sure the cats don't either.

Good thing LOVE will keep us together.

Then I hear the voices of all the people who aged before me screaming in unison: "YOU'RE GETTING OLD!"

Ahhhhhhhhhhh! It's happening! I'm getting old. I'm almost 50!!!!! In 9 months!!!!!! Internet, I've really been trying to enjoy the last remaining moments of my 40s, but it's hard when everyone around me is all, "Oh my gawd I'm so old! I can't believe I'm turning 12 tomorrow!"

Then logic jumps on my surfboard. The tens unit will fix it! The tens unit fixes EVERYTHING, even getting old, hopefully!

I attach the electrodes to the spot that triggers the pain, the painful area and a couple of other spots around the knee because I can. Then I pump up the volume on the tens unit and sit back and read the news of the day, which is probably the REAL cause of my pain.

Suddenly, I remember I need to start reading my new book which is either, Lilac Girls (because I have it checked out on kindle from the library and I really need to read it before it expires in 14 days) OR Into Thin Air because the bookclub i may rejoin, but never really went to in the first place is reading it and meeting in 11 days 6 hours 5 min and 30 seconds. Or are they meeting this Friday?????

(Continues reading the news.........)

After 20 minutes, I move the electrodes up to my neck because my neck is tight. After 10 minutes, my neck feels better and I'm relaxed so I remove the electrodes, put them away correctly, and go to sleep.

The next morning I wake up, excited to test my knee. I get down on all fours and softly put pressure on my knee cap and my knee feels better. So I put more weight on my knee cap and it hurts more, but it's definitely more better. Yew! Thank you tens unit angels!!!!! Also thank me because I actually thought (remembered) to put it on.

In fact, I'm wearing it now.........I often wonder why doctors prescribe addicting medication rather than tens units for pain and muscular sprains and strains? I got my tens unit in 2011 when I had a surfing accident and hit my head while also bulging a couple of discs in my neck. And the tens unit helped me so much. I actually went to the ER after this injury and the doc there offered me Oxycontin, which thankfully I had read enough about back then to know it was basically heroin, so I said no thank you mother F&*^**&s!

If you've had any experience with a tens units for pain relief let me know. Also, if you're addicted to drugs please get help, now. You can do it! Though honestly it will be hard and take a lot of work. Seek professional help

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