Another Perfect Day

All Photos by Jennifer Mench

The waves were so fun this day. And even better we had a little company. The dolphins hung out during our entire session. They never do that. They were very playful, jumping out of the water, and splashing around.

I guess it could have been a little warmer. I'm used to surfing in freezer water. But the poor photographer on the beach wasn't prepared for the cold of Carmel, though it didn't stop her from getting some great shots. Thanks Jenn!

"It's colder here than Alaska!" says a fisherman on the beach.

I know that probably isn't true, but sometimes, it seems this is the coldest place on Earth.



Rich Mosley ripping!


Left hander.


What on Earth, am I trying to fly???


The dolphin whisperer.

American Idol Top 5 Results Goodbye Matt Giraud

As I've mentioned before I don't bother watching the American Idol Results show. I was getting the results off Twitter, but lately I've been relying on my Facebook Friend.

She gives me the play by play. And she often has lots of commenters. All this activity makes me feel as if I'm watching it live, except it's better. Plus, my Facebook Friends are entertaining.

"Adam, Kris and Matt are in the bottom three!" writes my Facebook Friend on my wall.

"I cannot believe Adam is in the bottom three!" I write. "No way!"

"I know!" says my Facebook Friend. "I will keep you posted. I am sure he will be safe."

I started to wonder if American Idol is rigged. Adam Lambert in the bottom three makes no sense at all. Or do voters feel the same way about Adam, as I do. He's great, but it's turning into the same old, same old, every week with him.

My Facebook Friend is on East Coast time, it's 9:30 pm there. 30 more minutes and I'll know who is going home tonight. Ahhhh! Thirty more minutes.........I can't wait.

I checked on my friend's status update for comments. From the comments I can tell Taylor Hicks is a guest on the show. My Facebook Friends don't seem to like him.

"Ear plugs anyone?" comments my Facebook Friend.

"Wow!" comments another Facebook Friend. "I really don't like Taylor Hicks."

Hmmmm? Isn't Taylor Hicks a past Idol winner......Just checked wikipedia and he is, but they need to correct his age. There's no way that guy is 6 years younger than me.

I check my email, another update from my dedicated Facebook Friend.

"Kris is safe! Adam and Matt are the bottom two. I cannot believe it! We have to wait for Jamie Fox to sing."

"Ahhhh!" I exclaim. "Jamie Fox really?! But why? Is he an Idol winner, too?"

Remember I am new to Idol. This is only my second season. And I don't even start watching til they're down to 10 or 12 contenders. I suppose I lack dedication and commitment on some topics.

Back to the bottom two, now that it's down to Adam and Matt, I can relax. I predicted Matt would be going home tonight. And the commentary on my Facebook Friend's status update confirms what I'm thinking.

I can't believe this! Kris is safe and not Adam?!


Setup for sure.


I like Kris- Adam is safe- it just makes for good tv

Finally, the last update from my Facebook Friend, "Idol says goodbye to Matt. Adam is safe."

Phew! Now, maybe, Adam will step up his game. Or maybe it was another dramatic Hollywood setup, sort of like Kenny Chesney and Renee Zellweger.

Sunshine Freestyle SurfAbout 29

The logo, designed by Burke Boynton,
for this year's Surfabout t-shirt rocks!

Hey all you surfers and watchers of surf, it's that time of year again! The annual Sunshine Freestyle Surfabout at Carmel Beach is happening May 16th and 17th.

Get ready for two long days at the beach. We're talking 6 a.m to 8 p.m., folks. Please pray for sunshine, surf and good times. Actually, no matter the weather, we always seem to have fun! And we seem to go through every season at least four times through out the 15 minute surf heat filled weekend.

I can hear the air horn blaring now.

I've been surfing in this surf contest, for Monterey County residents only, since 1988. Yes every year, minus a few years due to a honeymoon, conflicting vacation plans, and a pregnancy or two.

The festivities are kicking off Friday May 1st, with a contest sign up party at the Pelican Tavern, located in the American Tin Cannery Building. There is no cover charge for the party. The party starts at 8 pm.

The $40 contest entry fee gets you an awesome t-shirt, there are even ladies, t-shirts this year! yay!, and as many events as your arms can paddle in. Don't be late for your heat, there are no make ups.

To be eligible for the coveted All Around Waterman's Award, surfers must enter surfing, longboard, the distance paddle, and either bodyboarding or skimboarding.

So come down to the tavern, sign up for the contest, get your t-shirt and check out Ron Triplett's band, Blinding Nemo.

"Rock on dude."

The more people that go to the sign up party the better the waves are going to be for the contest, even if you don't surf!

Also Rich and Rob, co-owners of Sunshine Freestyle, will be taking orders for anyone that would like to purchase an extra contest t-shirt or sweatshirt for themselves, or friends and family.

For more info contact Sunshine Freestyle at 831-375-5015. If you miss the sign up party, no worries, you can still sign up at the surf shop after May 1st.

American Idol Recap Top 5

It's rat pack night on American Idol. Tonight's secret host: Jamie Fox.

Kris Allen gave a modern and amazing performance of "The Way You look Tonight." He snuck in a bit of that boy band thing he does, but it was a great performance overall. He has really stepped up his game, I'm happily surprised.

Allison Iraheta turned 17 yesterday. Wow! She's an amazing baby girl! Allison performs a powerful rendition of "Someone To Watch Over Me." Yes, boys, y'all should be watching out for Allison, because right now the heavens are watching over her!

Matt Giraud's performs "My Funny Valentine." He didn't look confident up on stage and it came across in his performance. Though there wasn't really anything wrong with his vocals. Maybe I just don't care for that song. It's kind of mean. Not his best night, he's in trouble.

Danny Gokey sings "Come Rain Or Come Shine." Yes! Danny's back! He's right up there with Allison. As cliche as it sounds, D-Man was in the zone.

Adam Lambert gave a spine tingling performance of "Feeling Good." He's head an shoulders above the rest of the competition. But I do feel he's the same week after week after week. I'd be worried that if I bought his album, every song might sound the same, or at least end in that rocker scream.

My top three are Matt, Allison and Danny. My bottom two are Kris Allen and Matt Giraud. With five people left in the race for Idol, it's getting harder and harder to send someone home. However, having made it to the top 5 is reason alone to celebrate.

Carrie Underwood So Small

Anyone need a little inspiration today? Well, here it is. I am new to Carrie Underwood fandom. And I have to say, not only is she awesome, but I believe we have matching auras.

Carrie has a serious set of pipes, in addition to her pretty face. And she can write songs, y'all.

Carrie co-wrote, "So Small." My favorite 3 lines in the song are, "Sometimes that mountain you've been climbing is just a grain of sand. What you've been out there searching for forever, is in your hand. And when you figure out love is all that matters after all, it sure makes everything else seem so small."

In other words, everything we will ever need is right inside our hearts, if we only look. Sometimes it's difficult to see our own boundless beauty and amazingness.

Often, it's much easier to see our own beauty in other people. But when we fall in love with someone else, we are really just falling in love with ourselves. Isn't that amazingly cool?!

When we throw caution to the wind and give away our love freely, we are just loving ourselves. However, it's always more fun to have someone to play with, rather than playing solitaire all alone......

Stay tuned tonight for the American Idol Top 5 Recap. Will American Idol ever dish out another Carrie Underwood(2005)? Time will tell. Adam Lambert could be that big. Especially since he appears to be haunted by Elvis's ghost.

"Briar Came To Visit Us!"

"Honk, Honk!" toots my Mom's car horn.

"Gio, can you, please, open the door for Nana?" I ask.

Gio runs out the slider, into the atrium, and opens the front door for my Mom.

I can hear Gio shouting at my Mom, "Briar came to visit us!"

We had a little play date with Briar earlier. I was surprised he was so still ecstatic over his play date with the human disguised as a cat.

We were all sitting around the table enjoying lunch, when my Mom mentions something about Briar being in the atrium.

"Mom, Briar was here earlier," I explain. "He came here first, and then we rode to the beach, but he isn't here now."

Well, who is that cat in the atrium?" asks my Mom. The look on her face is saying, "and my daughter thinks I'm crazy?"

"It must be Nay Nay the Cat," I say.

I look up to find her asleep on the couch, so it couldn't be her.

"When I pulled up there was a cat under your car," says my Mom.

Still in disbelief, I got up to investigate the so-called cat in the atrium, and guess who I found? Briar, that little rascal!

"I thought you'd never open the door," says Briar. "What took you so long? I was getting so hot out there, luckily I took shelter under your car."

Suddenly, I was reminded, I should listen to my kids and my Mom. Just maybe not both at the same time. I wonder what Briar would say if he could talk?

The Green Backpack

Whenever I walk on the beach, I'm constantly scanning for large bags full of green stuff......As in money, silly. Though that other green stuff, which is completely uninteresting to me, has been known to wash up on our shores from time to time.

"Hey look a backpack," I say.

"I wonder what's in it?" says my friend.

"You open it, in case, there's a head in there or something weird," I say trembling.

"What do you think is in it, Gio?" asks my friend.

"Sand," answers Gio.

Me and my friend were hoping it was loaded with money. We found it in the surf line, it was wet and waterlogged, but something else could have been making it heavy.

We opened the bag slowly, in case something was waiting to jump out and make a run for it. Turns out and we were wrong, and Gio was right. It was mostly full of sand. Why does he always have to be right?

There were also some keys, a video game, and some tarot cards scattered around the main compartment. Oh, and then there was the Axe brand deodorant stick, which made me think the owner could be an axe wielding homicidal maniac or something.



For a moment we thought we would try to figure out who owned the pack, by scanning the grocery card attached to the key chain.

"Maybe the person who own this backpack, also owns and island in the tropics and will fly us there for finding the pack," says my friend.

She had a faraway look in her eyes, and I believe she was half way to this tropical locale, clad only in her bikini, in her mind. And she was probably wondering if he was "bam chicka wow wow" cute, too.

Yes, I know I'm a mind reader, it runs in the family.

Later we decided we would let the police deal with it, in case we were dealing with some sort of whack job.

"Gio we need to take the green backpack to the police station," I say.

"Are they going to put it in jail?" asks Gio.

"Only if you don't go to bed on time," I say. "I'd hate to see an innocent backpack locked up in jail, all because you wouldn't go to bed......."

Toad of Toad Hall at Monterey Peninsula College

Gio and Jack Weasel. They look
like they're up to somethin'....

Last night I took the boys to see the play, Toad of Toad Hall. It was kind of a last minute idea, most of mine are. I'm not much of a planner. I prefer being in the moment, and seeing what adventure life leads me on.

I was trying to give my husband a little alone time. Today, I'm taking off with some friends for an overnight trip. Were going to see the amazing Erin Hoffman in the The Great American Trailer Park Musical, again.

I also wanted to prove to myself there are plays after Wicked.

Toad of Toad Hall was great. My oldest son didn't want to go, but of course, once we were there he was laughing and enjoying himself.

At the end of the show, the cast hung out in the lobby, in costume.

"I want to meet them," says Gio excited.

"I don't," says Vinny. "I'll be waiting in the hallway."


The fabulously funny cast
Toad of Toad Hall.

There are still three more shows left. It's not too late to go and support our wonderful local theater. Box office 831-646-4213

Today at 3pm and 7pm.
Sunday at 3pm.


Gio and The Toad.

Open House

Vinny Van Gogh.

I have two kids, but somehow we managed to have three open houses, in two days. The math just doesn't make sense. I suppose that comes with the territory of being married to a teacher.

My Mom went to two of the Open Houses, which is exactly the same number I attended. But she spent a little more time at each of them.

"Where are you?" she calls from her phone.

"At home," I say. "We're on our way."

"Well I'm ready to leave," says my Mom. "I've been here for an hour."

See, the Open House didn't actually start til 7, but the barbecue was from 5-7. And honestly, I had to get my own little fire going at home, before I could face the masses at Open House.

When we finally arrived, my Mom asks, "What took you so long?"

"I was eating chocolate cake," I say.

"Well, I had a really good dessert at the BBQ," claims my Mom.

"Yeah, but I had really delicious chocolate cake," I say dreamily.

"We don't like the same kind of dessert," says my Mom. "I prefer strawberry short cake, while you like chocolate cake."

"Mom, I promise my dessert is not the kind of dessert you're referring to," I say.

"Oh," says my Mom.

The next night I promised my Mom I wouldn't to be late since it was just going to be me and the boys. My Mom beat me there by 30 minutes. She didn't say anything. She didn't have to. The look on her face said it all.

Fail!

At least I was an hour earlier than the night before. I was quite proud of myself.

And Thank You! to all the teachers for coming back to work after a long day's work. I know y'all are tired, remember I live with a teacher, and I appreciate the commitment and dedication.


My kids have never had this
teacher, but I love her open
house. All the kids make
a life size paper doll replica
of themselves. When you
walk in all the paper dolls
are sitting quietly at their desks.
It's a trip!


Meet Andy the very large snake.
Something about him kept reminding
of my husband.............


One of the teachers had this
poster in his room. We
thought it was hilarious.
And of course Vinny says
this particular teacher is
a crack up. He can be hard
to spot as he is often wearing
a disguise of some sort, even in
the yearbook! The kids love him.

Personalized Baby Calendar

NOTE: SPECIAL OFFER FOR MONTH OF APRIL - Printed calendar same price as PDF version - Just $27!

I have two kids. Two boys. I'm hoping when they become men, they aren't going to say, "Mom this is all you wrote in our baby books!"

If they do I will have to say, "look guys, I was overwhelmed, tired, sleep deprived, and surf deprived. I did my best. Just because I didn't completely fill out your baby book, doesn't mean I don't love you both equally."

"If you love us both equally, then why does Vinny's baby book have more in it than mine?" asks Gio.

"I was completely overwhelmed with one child, and, well, two kids just sent me into I'm Completely Unorganized Purgatory Hell," I say. "I'm still trying to get out of that chaotic place, where hours on end are spent searching for things I cannot find."

If only, when my babies were born, there was the magical invention known as the Personalized Baby Calendar. Then, I wouldn't have spent a moment wondering, "where was the last place I put that baby book?"

I'd start searching for the baby book, forget what I was looking for in the first place, never find the baby book, and therefore, never write in the baby book.

Never is a strong word, but at least, the Personalized Baby Calendar would have been hanging in the same location day in, and day out. I probably would have run out of room updating it hourly.

"Vinny just cooed!"

"OMG! Baby drool is so slimy, it's no wonder it causes a rash."

"Breast feeding is hard work and my nipples are sore and not in a good way."

"I have 4 spit ups on my shirt, when will I find the time and energy to change it?"

"He's sleeping, should I do the dishes, take a nap, or take a shower?"

What a treasure that would have been for my children and grandchildren to read out loud in front of the fire.

Even if my own children won't benefit from a Personalized Baby Calendar my grandchildren will. Besides, it will make a great baby gift. Click here to view a complete sample calendar.

I haven't seen a baby calendar that combines horoscope, "on your birthdate", baby milestones and a place for notes the way the Personalized Baby Calendar does.

Actually now that I think about it, it probably isn't too late to order one for each of my kids! They will never know the difference.

American Idol Results Top 7

No surprises tonight, as Lil Rounds and Anoop Desai say goodbye, in a double elimination round. I'm so excited the right people went home. Danny had a bad night, and I'm glad he's safe. Phew!

I don't quite understand how Allison was in the bottom three, even though last night wasn't her best. Afterall, she was in my top 3!

I hope everyone steps it up a notch on next week's American Idol.

Sunshine in a Box

I took this photo around 5 pm on Sunday
in my friend's backyard. Yes, her
backyard really is the beach. Amazing!

For the last few days we Californians have been enjoying or surviving, depends on who you talk to, some hot weather.

"It's too hot to work," say many people as they call in sick feigning a cold.

"Achooooo!"

I myself sweated it out in my office, where the temperature ranged from 85 to 87 degrees.

Meanwhile, my Facebook friends in Michigan were updating their status with lyrics from the Milli Vanili song, "Blame It On The Rain," or whoever it was that sang that song. Not only was it raining, but it was 40 degrees.

"It's c-c-c-c-cold outside."

I wanted to do something for them. If it's too hot here, it would be nice if I could give them some of my heat in exchange for some of their cold temps. Then everywhere could be 70 degrees. Wouldn't that be nice?

I promised to send them some sunshine, and here it is.

I hope this blog, with pictures from the last few days of gorgeous weather, warm up my friends and family living in cold locales. I may even refer to it myself....I hear it's supposed to cool down in the next day, and then rain on Friday......



As if I wasn't hot enough already. My
Quads are burning just looking at this
photo.


A little backwash and a stiff offshore create
a distortion pattern.


Iz need h-air condishoning.



My favorite phallic symbols to the North.


Homemade palapa. Aka hangout for
the surfing unemployed.


The Monterey Peninsula is a
beautiful backdrop.

American Idol Recap Top 7 4/21

It's disco night on American Idol and I'm excited. I was a huge fan of disco and I'm not even slightly embarrassed to admit it. That's right go a head and laugh, I be shaking my booty to the disco beat.

Allison Iraheta gave a rocking performance of Hot Stuff. I like it! Totally modern and she made it her own!


Anoop Desai sang another one of my favorite songs, Donna Summer's "Dim All The Lights." Yikes! Boring, he needed to sexy up that song. He's at the bottom. Dancing is a metaphor Anoop.

Adam Lambert performs another favorite of mine, "If I Can't Have You." It wasn't my favorite performance by Adam, but it was still great. The arrangement of the song was so different from the original, it was like a totally different song. He's a beautiful power ballad singing rock star. Elvis is in the building.

Matt Giraud sang the BeeGee's "Staying Alive." I loved it! He made my fingers dance. He had big energy. He stays. Very inspiring! Thank goodness the judges saved him last week. Yay!

Danny Gokey sang one of my favorite disco songs, Earth Wind and Fire's September. I like Danny, but he was trying to do too much in one song boy band, bluesy, then gospel. I didn't like it and I think he's in trouble.

Kris Allen singing Donna Summer's "She Works Hard For The Money," from the man's perspective. Interesting point of view. I liked it.

Lil Rounds sang "I'm Every Woman," while attempting to inspire the audience. She faltered at the beginning of the song. Is her confidence wavering? She sounds like she knows she's going home.

My top three in order are Matt, Allison and Adam. My bottom three, not in any particular order, are Lil Rounds, Anoop and Danny Gokey. Two people go home tomorrow night. Who do you think it will be? By the way, I enjoyed all the Donna Summer flashbacks, she is the queen of disco.

What The Tweet?

We took the bus to Wicked the Musical in San Francisco. Read: My hands were free to update my Facebook status, tweet on Twitter, and text all the way to San Francisco.

All that, plus commercial breaks, with Stefan reading Wicked the Musical script to me, from his book reader.

Every now and then we'd break into song.

"No one mourns the wicked," sings Stefan.

"No one cries they won't return," I sing in response.

My multi-tasking was off the charts.

Our friend, who was meeting us for lunch, but not the show, texts, "let's meet at the cheese cake factory."

"Do they cook the food there or just microwave it?" I text back.

There is something about restaurant chains that remind me of microwaved food, which I'm fully capable of preparing myself.

"It's fabulous and has great views of the city," she texts assuringly.


Looking down on San Francisco's Union
Square from The Cheesecake Factory.

The Cheesecake Factory it is and I update my status.

On the bus to SF first the cheese cake factory then WICKED!

My Facebook friends assure me this is a great choice. I love feedback.

The food was delicious and I walk out of the restaurant singing, "there's a party in my tummy, so yummy, so yummy."

Why is everyone staring at me? I guess it's easier to get away with singing antics when my kids are with me. And now everyone knows the reason I had kids in the first place: to indulge in child like behaviors, while hopefully going unnoticed, too bad I was not wearing my "I'm a parent," costume: the kids.

Next stop Wicked.



Upon entering the theater, the signs read "turn off cell phones." The writing on the wall was easy enough to ignore. But the usher hovering over me, as I was tweeting, was not.

I pretend to have a hard time turning off my phone.

"Darn thing won't switch off without pressing 140 different keys," I say in my best, "that was a twitter joke and you can laugh now" voice.

The usher did not laugh, creating a shrinking effect on my entire being, even my giant aura.

I finish tweeting and turn off my phone:

Inside the orpheum theater waiting for wicked to start! No cell allowed.

During intermission, I made a quick rest stop and bought a green Wicked, t-shirt.

There were times I thought I would die from sheer joy, while watching Wicked. I was only able to sustain life by coaching myself with, "breathe, breathe, breathe." While waiting for intermission to end, I tweet:

wicked is sooooooooo unbelievably good I hope I make it out alive! Glad Fyero is w/ me.

One white haired lady saw me tweeting and asks, "what are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm tweeting," I say. All the while, I'm thinking to myself, "hey, the generation gap can be bridged."

"Well I don't believe in that, so you're talking to the wrong person," she replies without taking a breath. "Oprah had it on her show yesterday, but it's nonsense."

What could I say? Nothing? Not likely.

"I believe you asked me, what I was doing?" I say.

"Hmmmff," she says and walks away. Thank goodness.

I didn't see The Oprah's show on Twitter, but I'm following her tweets. I hope she isn't spouting Twitter as the next spiritual medium to enlightenment. Twitter isn't a religion. It's not something to believe in. It's something to do.

As I've tweeted:

All anyone needs to know about social networking is it's fun and it's going to change the world. Analysis Shmalysis

About five minutes later, as I was updating my Facebook status, the man sitting next to me asks, "how are your kids doing?"

"I have no idea," I answer happily. "But I'm sure they're fine."

Maybe I was a little too happy in the delivery of my answer?

"Can't you check on your kids with that thing?" asks the man's wife, referring to my not an Iphone.

"No," I answer.

Even if I could, why would I? My kids were in good hands, and they were the last thing I was worried about. Believe me, it's a good feeling: having fun, while away from my kids. Besides, I'm not really a parent, I'm just pretending to be one.

"Oh," the wife answers, while looking down her nose.

I had to wonder had she too been watching The Oprah? Is there some new device, or app, that I don't know about? A way to surreptitiously Skype my kids, live, to my phone?

If there is, believe me, I don't want to know about it. Why would anyone want to steal my precious out of sight out of mind moments, I consider that criminally minded and downright evil.

"Wickedness must be punished!"

Currently playing the soundtrack to my life..........Wicked the Musical. Big surprise! And next time I see Wicked I will be traveling by broom, rather tahn bus. Now where is my spell book?

Chimpanzee Riding On A Segway

One of my funny friends, don't try to figure it out which one, there are too many, sent me this video.

"Stefan you have to see this, it's so funny!" I say.

We watched the video, laughing out loud together. "Ha, ha, ha!"

"Oh, I'm going to show that in class tomorrow," says Stefan.

He is always looking for comical material to inspire his students to study math. When he played it for his students the next day in class, he knew all the words and sang along to the melodic tune.

"Chimpanzee riding on a segway, bam ba ba bam bam bam," sings Stefan to his students. "He's got his helmet on, and he's wearin' overalls and don't that lady look surprised! Chimpanzee riding on a segway."

"How do you know all the words?" they all ask impressed.

Moments later, he effortlessly taught the entire class the Pythagorean theorem. After all, it's much easier to educate a captive audience.

Book Club: Currently Not Reading: "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle"

Several months ago, I was invited to not one, but two! book clubs, within a few days of each other.

For one week, I pondered which club to join. It was a hard decision, so hard in fact, I thought about joining both book clubs. Good thing I decided against that. Especially since, my next meeting is today!, and I'm not even 1/3 of the way through the book.

The second book choice, "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle," has not been an easy read for me. I was on top of the first book, with my box of Kleenex. At least, I couldn't put that book down. If you've ever read My Sister's Keeper by Jodi Picoult, you know what I'm talking about, sister.

"Why are you reading this book?" asks Stefan.

"I have to, it's for the book club," I answer sobbing.

Yes the book was a one way emotional roller coaster going down, down, down.........The end was an abrupt baseball bat to my head. A baseball bat I did not see coming.

I read "Kid With Cancer" (it could have been called that, though no one would read it) within a week, and it only took a few more days to come out of the deep dark depression instilled by that book.

"Honey, I'm getting out of bed this time, I promise," I say pulling the covers over my head. Sadness feels worse in the dark, doesn't it?

The book was so emotionally distressing there was a backlash in the book club. A backlash that demanded, "no dying children!" in the next book.

And in this month's book there are no dying children, only dying vegetables and readers dying of boredom. I prefer a box of Kleenex when I read a book. And if the tissues aren't enough I can always get a prescription of antidepressants from the doctor.

"We're Off to See the Wizard," And I'm Going To Give Him A Piece of My Mind

What? You don't have a Wicked version of Barbie?
5th from the Left.

The day has finally come. Wicked is here and I'm going. Yay. Now I can say for myself, "Wicked was sooooooooo good!"

As opposed to listening to my friends say, "Wow, it was really good. We sat in the front row!"

I'm pro-bragging, but all this talk has me drooling, green liquid all over my shirt and I can't get these stains out. I'm tired of people asking me, "What's up with that bib?" "And why is it green? Ewwww!"

Yes! Why, am I oozing green! Sounds like a question for a funny little man, who loves to fly around in his hot air balloon, disseminating green elixir to all of his little pretties.

"Elphie, Glinda, I'm on my way!"

I will teach a certain nasty Wizard to mess with my friends and their little animals, too!

The Great American Trailer Park Musical

Her Erinyness.

Last weekend I went to see my friend, Erin Hoffman, play a stripper in The Great American Trailer Park Musical. And it was so good, I'm going next weekend too!

The entire cast was amazing! No pitch problems there, Simon. And there is nothing like watching my friend on stage dancing with a pole. Especially, since I missed her stripper role in the Full Monty due to my Baby Mama induced fog.


The amazingly talented, off the charts, cast.

Erin is one of the most inspiring people I know, and who knows, maybe I'll get inspired to install a pole in my bedroom. Plus, it could double as play equipment for the kids. I just love multitasking equipment!

The back drop for the hilarious white trash musical is, of course, a trailer park and a strip club, called the Litter Box. Meow!

Did I mention how much I love the music? Seriously, the last song was so good I was crying tears of joy. Yes, I'm a tender hearted person, but seeing my friend up there on the stage singing my favorite song on the soundtrack was so inspiring.

I listen to that song at least 5 times a day, and so does whoever rides in the car with me. The soundtrack is an upbeat combination of country, rock, blues, and pop in a musical theatre mixing bowl. Add in 5 cups of explicit lyrics for color and texture.

Erin plays, Pippy, a homewrecking exotic erotic dancer on the run from her crazy permanent marker sniffing ex- boyfriend.

Pippy and Norbert, a toll booth collector, hit it off, after realizing they both collect dollar bills from complete strangers, for a living. Yeah, that's totally the same thing. Not.

Norbert has been trying to coax his agouraphobic wife, Jeannie, out of the house since the kidnapping of their son twenty years ago. Even a pair of tickets to the "classy" Ice Capades doesn't work.

Norbert can't be blamed for his transgression, his wife totally abandoned him for bad television. While Jeannie's eyes were glued to the set, Norbert and Pippy couldn't take their eyes of each other!

"Jeannie go get yourself some therapy, girl! You lost you're baby, now you're gonna lose your husband, too!"


Intermission included a game of Spin the
Wheel of Misfortune. Prizes included a
pregnancy test, Dukes of Hazard DVD, and
Markers for sniffing.



Three narrator's comically lead the audience through the love triangle of Jeannie, Norbert and Pippi.

Betty is the manager of the Armadillo Acres Trailer Park, she’s a widow, but her husband is nearby, in Jeannie's backyard. That's what friends are for, the good ones anyways.

Then there's Lin, which is short for linoleum because her mom gave birth to her on the kitchen floor. She goes around making everyone keep their electricity on, so the prison doesn’t have enough power to electrocute her husband, Earl. Earl is on death row for shooting someone who was driving in the wrong lane. I think that person was in front of me yesterday.

Lastly, there's Donna, aka "Pickles," because she always thinks she’s pregnant. We never meet her husband who is from Jacksonville. All we know is he's away at dinner theatre and they frequently have sex in separate rooms. “Oh my gay hell," sing the modern day greek chorus.

Internet don't waste anymore time get tickets to the Great American Trailer Park Musical now! Click here for details. It ain't gonna be around forever, y'all. Hope to see you there.

Boogie Boogie Hedgehog

It's Friday, y'all! Let's dance. Boogie Boogie Hedgehog!

Dorothy's Place

For folks who think this photo is embarrassing, think about needing these supplies and not having the money to buy them.

A few weeks ago, after noticing an increase in homeless people on the streets, I went to Twitter.com and tweeted:

Wants to help the homeless in Monterey County. #homeless
8:48 AM Mar 29th from web

I had a reply to my tweet within the hour from a local person.

I volunteer at dorothy's place in salinas... come join me! they need meat :/ lots of nonperishable donations but seldom meat.
9:30 AM Mar 29th from web in reply to wendysurf

I tweeted back:

I wanted to put something in my blog on how people can get out and help. This is a start. Do you think most food kitchens need meat?

And the response tweet:

Probably so. Also eggs and milk. And of course money! Need toiletries and maxi pads.. Basic things, shampoo, deo. Etc www.dorothysplace.org
12:54 PM Mar 31st

Then I sent an email to Dorothy's Place, a soup kitchen/day shelter & more, to confirm the tweet, primarily for blogging purposes.

Here's the answer I got back from Dorothy's Place:

You are right, on all counts! We receive food from lots of sources – personal donations and occasionally produce companies – mostly in relatively small quantities, since we don’t have much storage capacity. We also shop at the Food Bank for things that aren’t donated. Bruno’s in Carmel, Star Market, Nob Hill and Food Maxx in Salinas are all regular donors, in fact, Food Maxx has been giving us bread everyday for probably 10 years at least.

We do, however, frequently run short of meat, eggs and milk – those aren’t often donated, and when milk is donated, it’s usually at or over the expiration date so it doesn’t last long. So meat, eggs and milk are right on!

Our day shelter has showers and restrooms, so toiletries are always needed. The sample size or hotel size soaps & shampoos are perfect. We also see a lot of women because of our emergency shelter and they are always in need of feminine hygiene products. People don’t realize how important the feminine hygiene products are.

And yes, money is great and always needed – there’s always more need here than money, but especially this year. The numbers of people we serve have been increasing since last fall, and after the holiday season, the money is only trickling in.

Instead of sending a big check, folks should think of sending a smaller check but interesting their friends in doing the same. If we all pitched in a little, the sum of all the ‘littles’ would get us through.

Now for the last part of the blog: Mail check. While I do plan on getting my kids involved with volunteer opportunities in the future, I'm going to start by sending a check today. Who knows maybe I'll inspire a trend.

Financial donations can be made online or via mail. Click here for more information.

American Idol Top 7 and the Loser is Saved!

Tonight on American Idol the judges instituted the SAVE! on contestant Matt Giraud. Therefore, no one goes home this week. However, two people will be leaving next week.

Ouch!

They could call the SAVE! the DELAY!

I predicted Lil Rounds would be going home tonight and I wondered if the powers that be, would save her.

Matt deserved to be saved because he had a bad night. But that's the thing , superstars don't have bad nights, not that bad anyways. Screech!

The weak links are going to have to step it up next week. Did I mention I can't wait to see what Adam does next? No? OMG! i can't wait to see what Adam does next!

Play Date at the Beach

Yes, I know play dates between a boy and a cat are not very traditional, or common for that matter. But my friend's only son is a cat. So what's a Mom to do? I'd like to think I go with the flow.

Briar isn't really a cat. He's someone else. Maybe even a deceased rock star reincarnated or something. If anyone has any ideas who he was in his last life, please tell us, we are dying to know.

Besides, I am hoping if we do play dates, he won't have to venture the three quarters of a mile away from his house, alone, to visit us.

Just the other day, my friend sent me a text while I was at work. "Oh my goodness Stefan just called me and said Briar ran up to him at your house!! Whaaaaaaaaahh?"

A few weeks prior to that she texted me with, "Briar is on your street, at one of your neighbor's house. They're are keeping him in a cage til I get there."

I envision poor Briar imprisoned and quickly text back, "I'll go get him." Besides he must have been on his way to visit us, when the neighbor foiled his plan.



"It's 10 o'clock, do you know where your child is?" is a question my friend usually cannot answer. Seriously, though, I don't know why she doesn't just check his facebook status. He updates it frequently enough.

"Briar Cat is following some of the neighbors around the block."

Though I have to admit, at times, it is a bit cryptic.

Briar Cat is sneaky sneaky.

American Idol Top 7 Recap

Tonight the top seven perform their favorite song from a movie soundtrack with the help of Quentin Tarantino. Quentin gave all the contestants great feedback, too bad only some of them listened to him.

Allison Iraheta gave a goose bump inducing performance of "I Don't Want To Close My Eyes." Too bad the version she sang was so abbreviated, but still a solid performance. Though she was not quite as strong as last week, she was very close.

Anoop Desai sang "Everything I Do, I Do For You." Sporting a faux letterman's jacket, gee who is he appealing to?, gave his best performance so far. Before I saw him perform tonight I thought he'd be the next to go, but for now Anoop stays, and he doesn't kiss and tell. Hmmm? Is love improving Anooop performance?

Adam Lambert performs "Born To Be Wild." He's so far ahead of everyone else. One word. Mesmerizing. Total Idol! Who cares if he prefers smoking cigars, over eating cherries. Aren't we beyond all that? I am. When you're hot, you're hot!

Matt Giraud performance of "You Really Love A Woman," was okay. This wasn't his best night and I thought he screeched a few times. He's in trouble.

Danny Gokey sang, "Endless Love." I was excited to hear this song until he started singing it, though he got better on the chorus. Danny wasn't on top of his game tonight. But he's not at the bottom of the list either. I missed his glasses and his soulful performance.

Kris Allen sings "Falling Slowly," from the movie Once. I don't know the song, it started out great, but got kind of boring. Vocally, he sounded fine. He stays for now.

Lil Rounds sang "The Rose," one of my favorite songs ever. She started out weak, as if she was holding back, blew up on the gospel portion, and then held back at the end. What? She could have went gospel all the way and knocked it out of the park. More importantly she could have stayed on the show another week.

My top three Adam Lambert, Adam Lambert and Adam Lambert. The only person giving Adam any competition is Allison Iraheta. My bottom three, Danny Gokey, Matt Giraud and Lil Rounds, with Lil sinking a bit faster than Matt.

Now I have this twittering feeling that the final is going to come down to Adam and Anoop. Why? Because those two names have been trending every week on Tuesday. I know this isn't scientific, but it is twitterific.

Even if I'm right and it comes down to a showdown between and Adam and Anoop the drama will be anticlimactic. At this point, as far as I'm concerned, Idol is going to be a process of elimination until the last person standing tall is Adam Lambert.

I can't wait to see what Adam does next week!

Chicken Bread

The other night for dinner, I bought a Trader's Joe, pre-cooked chicken, located in the refrigerated section. Wrinkly, cold Chickens don't look very appetizing, but once they're heated up they look good and taste great.

Chef Stefan pretty much cooks all the meat, and this is my little way of contributing to the family's protein requirement. I don't like cooking meat, probably because I don't like eating over cooked meat, and neither does anyone else in the family.

That night, when I came home from work, everyone had already eaten dinner. I heated up my Math Diet extra serving of protein, in the oven.

The chicken was yummy. I was enjoying it with Trader Joes salsa verde. More yum, no carbs equals me staying on the math diet.

"Honey did you like the chicken?" I ask Chef Stefan.

Long pause followed by.........."It was kind of dry."

"Did you heat it up?" I ask digging deeper.

"No," answers Chef Stefan, knowing in his mind I will have commentary for his answer because that chicken must be warmed prior to ingestion.

But before I could comment he went on. "I gave the chicken to Gio."

"Did he like it?" I ask hopefully.

"Well?" says Chef Stefan.

And then he told me what Gio said, "What is this? Chicken bread?"

The three old complaining about the food is nothing new, and at least, he has a sense of humor.

Apparently, I can't cook or buy, good meat. Now adding: CHEF to my list of things to do. Hopefully, that will more than make up for my short comings, in the kitchen.

Staycation Is Over

Summer is almost here. Okay so it's two months away exactly, but that's practically here. My husband just went back to work after a week off for Spring Break.

Withdrawal! Severe withdrawal.

The day after a long break, is always hard for me because I'm used to him being here when I NEED him. You know, when I need to talk, or I need help with the kids or I need.......nevermind.

Now, I just get to daydream and sing this song, while he's at work.

Happy Easter!

Special Delivery.

Easter is the celebration of Jesus Christ rising from the dead. And that's exactly how I feel. Finally, my shoulder is better and last week I surfed four days in a row! Yay!

I even got devirginized at a new surf spot. It was sooooooooooooo good! Perfect waves kept coming and coming.......

Winter was an interesting one for me. I'm glad Spring is here, and my life is back to normal and much better than before. I appreciate the simple things like being able to wash my hair, hang up clothes, and yes, of course, surf, so much more. Yes, I'm really having fun with the laundry now!

But life on planet Earth seems to be a lesson in opposites. We can't know joy unless we know grief. We can't know support unless we know abandonment. We can only know hope, once we've met with despair. And if my children always got along, and always used their inside voices in the house, then I wouldn't appreciate when they're asleep.

Happy Easter!

Stunt Cat has Skills

Today's videos can viewed in less than one minute.

"Wow, that's very efficient," says someone. "Two videos for the price of one."

"Hooray!"

Yes, this is a ploy. A ploy, that I hope will help me, get my taxes done. I consider the first video inspirational. Yes, every time I watch it and see the impossible made possible I feel a little more like doing my taxes.

The second video, I believe, is symbolic of how this whole tax thing snuck up on me, from behind. Yikes!

Enjoy. And if you happen to know a Tax Inspiration Angel or two, please, send them my way. Thanks.

Math Diet Update #1

"I'm too sexy for my frosting," sings the Poptart.

I'm starting to see results from the Math Diet. Unable to contain my excitement, I've been telling everyone about it.

"Look, honey, I'm shrinking," I say to Stefan.

I thought he said, "Wow you picked up a smaller muffin top at the bakery, nice job!"

But what he really said was, "Honey, your tummy is getting smaller." That's what he says, he said, anyways.

The fact that his eyes were bulging out of his head, made me have an auditory hallucination. At least, it was an accurate interpretation of what he meant.

What was he staring at? Did my tummy get smaller, while my butt got bigger. I want to sing, "I like big butts and I cannot lie, those other brothers can't deny........." But I will refrain, for now.

"Is my belly shrinking,"I ask my diet coach. She confirms that it is smaller.

Then she shared something I didn't know. Something I, now, feel I must share, right here, on this blog with the Internet.


"Carbs(bread, pasta and rice) make you retain water," says my diet coach."

I knew it! I knew something was making me retain water, but I couldn't figure out what it was. Now, I know who the culprit is! I was being perpetually hysterically impregnated by carbohydrates! Evil, evil, horny, carbs!

"Honey get the gun!"

The nice thing about the math diet is, by adding the extra protein to my diet, I don't miss the carbs, that much. Though, I do finding myself daydreaming about cut bread and creamy pastas. And, when my diet coach ran off to South America with her tamales, I had a fling with a Poptart. I got so burned by that sweet little thing.

"Ouch!" I say. "That's no way to treat a lady. I don't care if you are Berry hot!"

My words were meaningless, though. As I was about to turn my back, and walk out on the poptart, I had a change of heart. So I sat down at the table and ate her.

Fortunately, my diet coach is back. I'm sure that won't happen again, or at least not berry often.

Tis the Season

The next few weeks promise to be very exciting. This weekend I'm going to see my friend the erotic exotic dancer. Wait. Rewind.

My friend, Erin Hoffman, aka Wonder Woman, is playing an erotic, exotic home wrecking, dancer in, The Great American Trailer Park Musical.

"The show is hilarious, with lots of great music and straight up trash!" says Erin.

"I love a show, I think I'll go!" says Mayzie La Bird. (Erin once played Mayzie La Bird in Seussical the Musical, and she was sooooooo good!)

There's is nothing better than watching the people I love, doing what they love. Nice job Eriny!

I've been listening to the soundtrack to the musical and it's so gooooood! I prefer to know the music, word for word, before seeing a show. That way I can sing along, loudly.


"This Side of the Tracks" from The Great American Trailer Park Musical. (I think these folks are lip syncing.)

Then next weekend we are going to see Wicked the Musical. Finally! Everyone else I know has already been to see Wicked, and I can't stand hearing about it anymore.

Yes, April 18th I'm Wicked bound. WooooHo....Wait. April 18th? That date reminds me of something? What is it? April fiftee..... Uh oh!

The tax man is lurking behind me. Maybe I can ditch him in this alley. Darn! It didn't work. Now, he's hot on my trail.

Good thing I put off my bookkeeping to the last minute. Welcome to my world, Procrasti Nation.

American Idol Top 8 And the Loser is Scott MacIntyre

Sorry to see Scott MacIntyre get the boot on Idol tonight. Well, no not really. He was the next logical choice to go. As I said in last night's blog, Scott was at the very bottom of my list.

Besides, he knew he was going next, as he indicated when he said, "At least I'm versatile, I wanted to show that before I went home."

Kind of makes me wonder if he just gave up on being America's next Idol or even making the top 5.

He can be proud he made it so far. I have said it before and I'll say it again I see him singing spiced up Jesus freak songs with some cool shades. Good luck Scott! Praise the Lord!

Books For Breakfast?

"Mommy, what's better than breakfast?" asks Vinny.

"I don't know, what?" I ask.

"Breakfast in bed," he answers. "Mommy what's better than breakfast in bed?"

"What?" I ask.

"Breakfast in bed, with a book," he says giggling.

American Idol Recap Top 8

Tonight on American Idol contestants sing songs from the year they were born.

Danny Gokey's singing "Stand By Me" from 1980, started out sloooow, elevator muzak. He busted out on the second half. Yays he stays.

Kris Allen sings an odd jazzy arrangement of "All She Wants To Do Is Dance" from his birth year,1985. The music sounded a bit odd, but he sounded great.

Lil Rounds singing "What's Love Got To Do With It" was so so on the first half, but got soulful on the back end of the song. Lil Rounds is trying too hard to please the judges. She needs to connect to her soul and herself.Dig down deep inside, Lil.

Anoop Desai singing one of my favorite songs ever, "True Colors." Just not my favorite version of it. He stays for now. The girls love staring into his brown puppy dog eyes.

Scott MacIntyre singing "The Search Is Over" without the piano! I liked the smaller hair, but the guitar didn't go with the song and seemed contrived. The second half of the song, vocally, was not so good. Scott exposed his belly to the lion when he said, "At least I'm versatile, I wanted to show that before I went home."

Allison Iraheta singing "I Can't Make You Love Me" blew me away, and gave me goosebumps. She stepped it up several notches raising her maturity level to that of the song, but keeping it fresh and young. The best of the night so far!

Matt Giraud singing "Part Time Lovers," a song I never really liked. Not sure about his song choice, but he nailed it vocally. Top 2 of the night so far.

Adam Lambert singing "Mad World," one of my favorite songs ever (I have a lot of favorite songs ever). And he knocked it out of the park. Again! Emotional. Powerful.

My top three for the night Allison, Adam, Matt. I can't decide who was better Adam or Allison, so let's just call it a tie. Bottom three Anoop, Scott, Lil, with Scott being at the very bottom.

"It Sucked and Then I Cried," by Heather Armstrong Book Signing Chat

New York Times Bestselling Author Heather
Armstrong signing her book,
"It Sucked and Then I Cried,"
an unfiltered, hilarious memoir
on pregnancy, childbirth, parenthood
and post-partum depression.

Note: This is how the book signing went down, y'all. All Heather quotes spoken with a Southern accent. To hear accent or view entire book signing event see video at the bottom of this post (30 min appx). Yes, there was a film crew from fora.tv . I was not part of the film crew, but I do ask the last question in the video. I do not have a Southern accent.

"Thank you so much for coming," says Heather Armstrong. "I didn't know if there was going to be anybody here because of all the very, very angry email that I got from the people in San Francisco. 'How I dare I label it San Francisco, when it's taking place in Mountain View.' I know the difference y'all. I do."

Me: Wilco Tango Hatemail! Wait, did my Mom send Dooce hate mail? Wouldn't that be ironic, especially considering I had just gotten my first hate mail only a few days before. I don't think my Mom would send dooce.com hate mail, would she?

Then Heather made an exciting announcement, that completely made me forget about hate mail, "today the book made the New York Times Bestseller's List!"

And the crowd cheers, "Hooray!"

Due to her being on book tour, she shared the news with her Mom over the phone, "step aside, Avon world sales leader! Step aside."

She described making the NY Times Bestseller List as "a good thing," and "the beginning of the rest of my life."

"It's been a really good (book) tour so far, says Heather. "I'm reading entries about boobs and sex. Last night in Seattle, after reading both entries, this Guy got up to ask a question."

"'I have no idea who you are,'" says the Guy. "'I was just browsing books. You kind of have a funny accent and I started listening. I have to tell you, my wife is 5 months pregnant and you have scared the total living s#!t out of me.' Then he walked away."

"So...my purpose tonight, is to scare anyone that's got a pregnant wife," says Heather.

The first entry she read from the book was on "breastfeeding and boobs."

"My goal was to be able to breastfeed and load the dishwasher simultaneously. And when that happened, I planned to take my act on the road."

"(Breastfeeding hunger) is an equal opportunity hunger. A hunger that does not discriminate. A hunger that believes homosexuals should be allowed to marry. I can't read this passage in Utah. Half the room would leave."

The second passage was on waiting 7 months to resume "sex after a vaginal birth."

"If you're one of those women, who after only six weeks of shoving her boobs down a bottomless possum, could reconvene the procedure (sex) with a smile or maybe even an 'ooh yeah babe,' then I heartily salute you and your robotic adjustable vagina. I bet yours is the type of vagina that can hum show tunes or fold sheets all by itself."

Me: If my vagina can fold sheets, then why is there so much dirty laundry?"


After the readings, which included a near simulation of oral sex, on the mike, so everyone in the room could hear her (she's so accommodating like that), she opened up the room to questions from the audience.

An audience member asked whether she would continue the blog after the baby is born.

"The number one complaint (from professional bloggers) is you can't take a break," answers Heather. "I don't plan to take a break. I don't think I'll want to. I'll probably seek it out as a refuge. I know it's going to be hard transitioning to two kids, and I think I'll want to write about it."

Me: And that was the understatement of the night! Good luck Heather and Jon because in two months the madness begins. We still haven't recovered, but that's okay, at least, we're having lots of fun. And it really does get easier as the kids get older, which is any minute now.

"What's the thing that has surprised you the most the last seven years?" asks another audience member.

"Well, this is kind of crazy," Heather says, gesturing to the bookstore's standing room only.

Another audience member asked if Heather had found a way to get beyond the hate mail.

"There's a lot of it," answers Heather. "Hate mail has become an occupational hazard.......When people are barking the same hateful comments, it just becomes noise (you tune in out) in the background.

Then she sang the haters a song. It went something like this, "And I'm a New York Time's Bestseller!"

"Did you ever think that dooce.com would be this big?" asks someone.

"I never thought dooce.com would be this big," answers Heather. "I really thought I was going to give it up when Leta was born. I used to plan in my head what the last entry was gonna be. I had no idea. I'm still sort of going along for the ride."

The last question made me raise my hand, besides it was the last question of the night, and therefore, my last chance to ask a question.

"How big is dooce.com?" I ask. "I watch your twitter followers go up by the 10s and 20s of thousands every day. "

"At the very end of signing up (for twitter) there's a page of people they recommend. And I happen to be on that list. So I owe Evan Williams (twitter CEO) my life.

"Ninety percent of the people (twitter followers) send me @replies all day long going, 'oh you're a woman? oh I didn't know that.' or 'oh you live in Utah? Weird....' 'You have children? Weird! I had no idea.'"

(Yes, very funny stuff when you consider @dooce (Heather's Twitter username) is THE Recovering Mormon Mommy Blogger.)

"As far as size (on dooce.com), in February, I saw almost six million page views, which is crazy." answers Heather. "It's not something I can wrap my head around."

And then she signed books. Watch the video, if you more Heather Armstrong. And, of course, get her book, y'all.

The end.