Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Got Tens Unit

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For weeks I have had this pain to the left of my knee every time I kneel down on my knee cap. I figure it's a scrape or some kind of rug burn injury. But when I look down to inspect the area, there is no sign of skin damage or any inflammation.

Cancer, I must have Cancer!!!!! Immediately, I push on my leg sure to find a TUMOR. But I feel no bumps. Of course, it's probably a tiny, fast growing tumor.

I google knee cancer. According to google and people on the internet with my EXACT symptoms I have some sort of nerve thingy going on. Especially since when putting pressure on the knee cap it refers to the side of my leg next door to the knee cap.

Phew. This will just get better, magically all by itself, I hope. And pray. And, also, I massage my knee for the next few days. Except my leg doesn't improve. Also, it feels worse.

My mind briefly revisits the cancer self diagnosis. Then considers a trip to the doctor but that takes time and effort. And she ll probably just prescribe drugs. And I don't need drugs. Because they have side effects, like ADDICTION!!!

"My leg hurts when I kneel on my knee," I explain to Surfstefan.

"Well, stop doing that," he says calmly.

"I already tried that and it feels worse," I say. "Besides, who is going to clean the litter box if I can't kneel?"

TBH, Internet, I really don't like the way he cleans the litter box. And I'm pretty sure the cats don't either.

Good thing LOVE will keep us together.

Then I hear the voices of all the people who aged before me screaming in unison: "YOU'RE GETTING OLD!"

Ahhhhhhhhhhh! It's happening! I'm getting old. I'm almost 50!!!!! In 9 months!!!!!! Internet, I've really been trying to enjoy the last remaining moments of my 40s, but it's hard when everyone around me is all, "Oh my gawd I'm so old! I can't believe I'm turning 12 tomorrow!"

Then logic jumps on my surfboard. The tens unit will fix it! The tens unit fixes EVERYTHING, even getting old, hopefully!

I attach the electrodes to the spot that triggers the pain, the painful area and a couple of other spots around the knee because I can. Then I pump up the volume on the tens unit and sit back and read the news of the day, which is probably the REAL cause of my pain.

Suddenly, I remember I need to start reading my new book which is either, Lilac Girls (because I have it checked out on kindle from the library and I really need to read it before it expires in 14 days) OR Into Thin Air because the bookclub i may rejoin, but never really went to in the first place is reading it and meeting in 11 days 6 hours 5 min and 30 seconds. Or are they meeting this Friday?????

(Continues reading the news.........)

After 20 minutes, I move the electrodes up to my neck because my neck is tight. After 10 minutes, my neck feels better and I'm relaxed so I remove the electrodes, put them away correctly, and go to sleep.

The next morning I wake up, excited to test my knee. I get down on all fours and softly put pressure on my knee cap and my knee feels better. So I put more weight on my knee cap and it hurts more, but it's definitely more better. Yew! Thank you tens unit angels!!!!! Also thank me because I actually thought (remembered) to put it on.

In fact, I'm wearing it now.........I often wonder why doctors prescribe addicting medication rather than tens units for pain and muscular sprains and strains? I got my tens unit in 2011 when I had a surfing accident and hit my head while also bulging a couple of discs in my neck. And the tens unit helped me so much. I actually went to the ER after this injury and the doc there offered me Oxycontin, which thankfully I had read enough about back then to know it was basically heroin, so I said no thank you mother F&*^**&s!

If you've had any experience with a tens units for pain relief let me know. Also, if you're addicted to drugs please get help, now. You can do it! Though honestly it will be hard and take a lot of work. Seek professional help

Monday, January 9, 2017

Ocean Safety

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Can anyone tell me what's wrong with this picture, please? Hint: ocean safety!!! The 2 boys are playing too close to the water.

The swell and rip current were strong yesterday. As soon as I saw the kids near the water I was overcome with dread. I looked away for less than a minute, and when I looked back up they were both under the water, with only their heads poking out for air. Their grandma frantically ran down to save them and yell at them. They managed to get out of the water by themselves, without grandma's help. They walked with her to their mom, away from the water. I felt relieved. Then after a few minutes they were back in the water again, this time venturing a bit further from the shore in their soaked clothes..... They were in the perfect position to get sucked out to sea. I couldn't take the stress of their recklessness anymore. I got up to leave. While passing grandma, I said "they shouldn't be in the water today. The surf is big and there are dangerous rip currents that could pull them out to sea." "No English, only Russian," she replied. I attempted to communicate again. Pointing to the boys I said, "water, BAD." But she didn't understand that either. At this point, their mom was standing guard at the water's edge, but she probably wouldn't be much help of 1 of the kids got sucked out. And she likely could have needed saving herself. Then I left with a bad feeling. I drove to the grocery store, parked. But I couldn't get those kids off my mind. So I called the hotel, where they were likely guests. I explained the situation to the person who answered the phone. Her response was pretty lame, "sounds like bad parenting to me...." "Well, they obviously don't understand how dangerous the ocean is around here. It would be great if you could send someone down to explain it to them." I had the sense that she didn't understand the dangers of the ocean either. And if the Monterey Peninsula is going to spend money attracting visitors to our area, it should also spend money on education and signage with pictures on ocean safety. #oceansafety #tourism #montereypeninsula #surfing #marinabeach #worldmarkmarina #california
A photo posted by Wendy Corn (@wendysurf) on

Sunday, December 6, 2015

Sunrise Surfer

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A photo posted by 💜💛🐳🏄🐙🐬🌻🌞🌊🚘🌟🌠 (@wendysurf) on

Friday, September 11, 2015

High School Is The New College

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A photo posted by 💜💛🐳🏄 (@wendysurf) on

Editor's Note:  I started writing this last school year when Vinny was still and 8th grader.  It took some time to finish it, apparently.  Anyways, he's been a freshman in high school for about a month.  More on that later, hopefully.

Last night we went to Vinny's Pre Registration night for High School, also known as Shit's About to Get Real.

The night was almost as informative as it was terrifying.  High school ain't what it used to be. Yes, sports fans, high school is the new college.  And I'm pretty sure that's a terrible idea for children.

"You should have had kids when you were younger. If you hadn't waited so long high school would have been easier for you," says my Mom in her guilt inducing Catholic voice offering the perfect solution. 

Thank you Baby Jesus, Mary, Mom and Joseph.  
If only I had taken the Turn Back Time course in college. It just didn't fit into my schedule though, which is probably all the more reason to have taken it.

But there is comfort in knowing Cher understands what I'm feeling right now.

Song playing in my head:
If I could turn back time
If I could turn back time
If I could turn back time
ooh baby

Fortunately and  unfortunately, our teenager has been recommended for some of the most challenging   courses the high school has to offer.  And by challenging, I mean they unleash an hour or more of homework per night.  Some of them are college level classes, where you actually get college credit if you score very high on the test. 

Honors Biology
Honors English
Spanish 1
AP Human Geography ( a course The husband and I both took IN COLLEGE)
Integrated III (used to be called Algebra 2 sort of)
Study Hall (I insisted he take this because I'm smart and practical and I love my child)


5  Classes x 1 hour per night = A crap load of homework!

I'm no mathmetician , but, four to six hours of  homework per night seems impossible.   Plus weekend homework.  Plus homework during school breaks.   And get this Internet, homework during Summer Vacation, which I'm pretty sure is illegal, as well as the work of cute but evil, wet gremlins.

Vinny's response to Summer homework is, "well, I'll probably be bored during Summer Vacation anyways."

Good answer teenager!  Really, I'm not being sarcastic, Vinny. Mommy loves you.

Today's kids lack a proper sense of boredom.

The power ballad of today's teenagers is, "Time management is the key to success, time management is the key to success, time management is the key to success."

And the teenagers are way ahead of me on time management.

As if to prove their theory of more is better, the high school administrators brought in real, live students to testify on the Bible of Busy. 

 "Taking  four or five AP courses is toats (short for totally)  doable," proclaim the students.  "And it's actually easier if you do three sports and take band at the same time, because it forces you to manage your time."

Which I'm sure is fine as long as long as no one commits suicide! And that's no joke, Internet.

What I'm actually beginning to grasp is this.  Having kids never, ever gets easy.  When the fire of one problem is nearly out and barely smoldering, five more new challenges pop up that need to be put out with an ocean's worth of water.

And this Internet is when I realized what was really bothering me.    High school is stealing my baby, without even offering an apology. As if this high school is a helpful transition before Vinny moves out of the house  onto brighter and better things.

Wails loudly. 

Just to be sure to instill terror in me, an AP instructor steps up to the podium and delivers one final sermon from the Busy Bible, "You have to ask yourself if AP classes are right for your student and your family?"  "Are you willing to sacrifice your Sunday evenings, your school vacations, summer break, your first born? Because if you aren't, then AP isn't for you."

I'm certain AP isn't for me.  

But I'm just  as certain AP is  for my teenager because he's intelligent, doesn't procrastinate, takes responsibility for his life, and most importantly he doesn't want to lose his computer and all that precious screen time.

Good luck Vinny! Mommy loves you so much!

Friday, September 4, 2015

I'm A Liar

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I'm a liar.  Twelve days ago I said I was too busy to write.

The truth is I'm too lazy to write.  The only reason I'm writing this post is because I'm avoiding non-surfing exercise, any exercise that isn't surfing. Liar and avoider of healthy acitivity, that's what I am.

“A writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people.”

― Thomas Mann,
Essays of Three Decades  

Where have you been all my life Thomas?

Writing is time consuming, exhausting, and hurtful to my butt (from all the sitting).  Also, writing is painfully repetitive with endless editing, rewriting and revisions.  The main problem with writing is it can ALWAYS be improved.  There are always words to be cut, and new sentences to add to paint a clearer picture to  readers.   

In other words, I'm working on a new blog post about Vinny starting high school, which I started months ago.  Someday I'll publish it, probably.

Anyways, I'm an honest person so I just thought I'd let everyone know I'm a fibber.  Happy THREE day weekend, Internet.  Make good choices.
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