5:30 a.m.
I was so excited our geriatric, deaf, insomniac dog slept through the night that I forgot to check for skunks before taking her outside to water the plants....
Da da da!
"Oh no," I stammer. "Oh no. Ally, Ally, puhleeeeeeease come here! Come on girl."
"What's going on?" asks Hubby.
"There's a skunk in the backyard RIGHT NEXT TO ALLY," I manage to get out.
"I knew there was a skunk living out there!" says Hubby, in that 'Aha!' voice.
"Um, when were you going to tell me we have a house guest?" I ask, annoyed.
"I did tell you," claims Hubby.
"No, you didn't," I say. "You said there was a skunk in the backyard the other night. Which is a lot different than there's a skunk living in our backyard, or even vacationing there for the summer."
Meanwhile the dog and the skunk are about 5 feet from each other dancing IN THE BACKYARD. And by dancing I mean the dog is pooping and the skunk is waddling around looking for an escape route.
By this point I'm starting to wonder if they've been married for 20 years by the way they're comfortably ignoring each other. Based on past experience, the skunk should have sprayed the dog by this time
Exhibit A Exhibit B
Hubby, now in full rescue hero mode, leaps past me into the yard despite my attempts to block his heroics.
"Where are they going to live when the skunk sprays them?" I ask the cats?
"Outside," purr the Cats.
Hubby attempts to grab the dog, who is in mid-crap.
She falls to the ground wondering, "What the hell is wrong with this guy? Can't an old lady dog go to the bathroom in peace anymore?"
Apparently not.
"What's all this clapping in my house and who are these annoying people?" wonders Fred the Skunk. "I think I need to defend myself!"
Then Fred the Skunk lifts his tail and does an A Butt Face towards Hubby and the dog.
Hubby scoops the dog into his arms, which the dog is attempting to bite in order to regain her freedom.
He then tries to run into the house craddling the snapping dog, but I'm blocking their escape, furiously sniffing the air to be sure no one has been sprayed before I let them through the doorway. Amazingly, the air smells skunkless.
"Wow, that is the nicest skunk, ever," I say.
Ten Minutes Later
"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz," snore Hubby and the Dog.
