"I started "The Samurai's Garden" you recommended," I say to a friend at a party.
"Really, do you like it?" she asks. "How far are you?"
"Well,they just went to the leper colony to visit the lady," I answer. "The lady is either the guy's sister or his lover, right?"
"I'm not gonna tell you," she says.
"That's okay," I say. "I know it's one or the other or maybe both."
"No, don't worry it is definitely not both," she says cringing a little on the inside from the incest reference.
"Well, I read Middlesex so either way I'm okay with it," I say.
Middlesex is a very long novel about many things. Most people think of the 2003 Pulitzer Prize winner as a novel about incest. The story starts in Asia Minor, where a brother and sister (of Greek descent) fall in love and immigrate to America under the disguise of marriage, thinking no one will know the difference.
Middlesex covers many topics, including an historical look at the birth of corporate America in Detroit and it's rape and bondage of the world, transgenderism, incest and family drama/trauma.
The story goes through several generations and leads up to the granddaughter's, or was she a grandson?, confused sexuality. As it turns out her mixed parts are the result of her grandparents swimming nude, in too small of a gene pool. The grandmother spent an entire lifetime feeling guilty and responsible, before anything ever went genetically wrong.
Yes, at first, I was put off my the brother and sisterly love, but then I realized sometimes people can't help who they love. It happens all the time.
A few days ago, I came across an article titled, "I had sex with my brother and I don't feel guilty about it." The names were changed and the story was told to the writer by the sister.
The article was interesting, revealing and for some disturbing. And it made me come back to the decision I made while reading "Middlesex," sometimes people can't help who they love.
Like when married people have affairs of the heart and sometimes body, or people with same sex love partners, or a mouse falls in love with a princess. This also causes me to resort to the whole past life explanation.
The past life explanation is simple in theory, yet complicated in the way it plays out and impossible to prove, maybe. People go through many lifetimes in different bodies, but with the same soul. Souls can come together in more than one lifetime, but they play different roles. In one lifetime, two people can be father and daughter,in the next siblings, in the next best friends, and yet in the next lovers.
What would be the point of that? So the heart can learn compassion and the many ways of love. The sole purpose of our soul, in my opinion, is to learn and master the many aspects of love.
I can't prove that, but it works for me. And it explains a lot about all the various relationships functional and dysfunctional, that happen here on Planet Earth. Sometimes people can't help who they love, and when they fight the love, it makes it more painful and impossible to resolve.
I'm not saying, people should run around following every sexual impulse their body dictates. What I am saying rather than feeling guilty and trying to ignore the feelings, like the grandmother in Middlesex did, relax into it. Let go of guilt. Enjoy the energy. Relax into the feeling by breathing when it comes up, instead of thinking, "I'm definitely going to hell for this."
And remember every relationship with another person is here to teach us something about ourselves. So it really isn't about the other person in the first place. Learning only ever relates to ourselves anyways. Simple philosophy, but challenging to follow. Good luck!
