Yoga Girl

Here's Hubby's take on yoga class: "Cute girl, cute girl, cute girl, cute girl, cute girl, ugly guy, cute girl, cute girl, cute girl."

That pretty much sums up this video, which I find especially clever and hilarious. The video is by the same folks, Fog and Smog Films, who made, "Whole Foods Parking Lot."

Oh and guys, "You're welcome."

Marcel The Shell With Shoes

"We won't fight unless we're provoked." Marcel The Shell

One of the funniest people I know posted this on facebook. I'm still smiling...........

Lick Sushi Prank

It's good to know I'm not the only who feels this way about licking and double dipping.

Today marks the fourth week since The Concussion. And sadly I'm still having headaches. Yes, it's my fourth week of not surfing. I think it is safe to say I'm turning into a real pain in the you know what Internet.

I wish I were exaggerating. But all I have to do is look at Hubby's perplexed face to see I'm telling the truth.

Until I can surf, I'm going to work on doing other "fun," things. Some of which shall not be named, like dancing naked under the fog. Or picking my nose whilst laying on ice.

Wait did I just write that? Oh my, I'm missing my meds, aren't I? It times like these I wish drugs and alcohol didn't make me so ill, because I could use some right now. Oh well, I guess laughter is the best medicine.

Dirty Minds

I wonder if "People With Dirty Hands," is part of a book series like the Dummies book series? Because I'd be interested in reading the one for dirty minds, especially if there are pictures.

Star Trek

Hey y'all Stefan and I had a date last night. Obviously we don't get enough of those. The thrill of sitting next my to my husband in a dark movie theater while making out, is second only to the car sex we had on our last date, three years ago.

We could use more alone time, I guess.

Anyways, we did somehow manage to watch Star Trek, even though it was hard. Star Trek was sooooooooooooooooo gooooooooooooooood! I was actually surprised the movie was as good as it was. I give it a 9 out of ten. Star Trek missed getting a ten, by 3.

"Did she flunk math?" asks someone. "10-9=1."

Let me explain. There was a love triangle between Captain James T. Kirk, Lieutenant Uhura and Spock. The whole time I was like, "yes, there's gonna be a threesome! This movie is definitely getting a 10."


But noooooooooooooooooo. Lt Uhura was dedicated to Spock's pointy Vulcan ears. Besides, Captain Kirk is just a player and nothing lasting could cum out of a close encounter with him.

The 11th Star Trek movie, contained all the original characters including, Captain Kirk, Spock, Lt. Uhura, Dr. "Bones" McCoy, Sulu , Scotty and Chekov. Yes, the original characters all with new, fresh, beautiful faces.

The movie stayed true the original Star Trek series by using a time traveling, alternate reality storyline. The alternate reality storyline, allowed Leonard Nimoy, the original Spock, to cum back from the future.

"Honey, how'd they do that?" I ask.

"Baby, remember it's a movie, they can do whatever they want," explains Stefan.

"That reminds me....we're alone, so can we," I say

The movie gave the background story for how Captain Hot Kirk's crew came together, as well as how Spock and Kirk became friends.

I loved the component of their friendship the most. Sometimes the best of friends believe in us at a time when we don't believe in ourselves, and that is what friendship is all about.

"Kirk, I've never been in this ship," says Spock. "How will I ever save the day, if I can't fly the ship?"

"Spock, you can fly that ship," says Captain Kirk. "Everything is going to be fine."

And it was.

Ocean's Night

My kind of Ocean Night. Unidentified Surfer.

Age wise I fall into Gen X, but really I'm a Gen Y'er in behavior. I mean I blog my entire personal life to the world and then some, I tweet, I have more Facebook Friends than real world friends and most importantly, I'm a slacker Mom.

I've sworn off giving my kids birthday parties, because they are way too much work. But if I had a sister, I would totally make her throw my kids' names on the invites to her own children's parties. Yes, she'd be all goody goody, and I'd be all, "baa baa baa." Or do sheep say, "maa maa maa?" See what I mean? With it Moms know the answer, without having to ask.

Last night, I actually paid off my kids to leave a school function. Vinny's school was concurrently, running an Ocean's Night and a book fair. Seems like a great way to sell books to me, too.

I didn't have the intention of buying off my kids, like some mobster Mommy, things just worked out in my favor.

I was even planning on staying an entire hour, but when we hit the first activity area in the gym I nearly fainted. I get overstimulated very quickly, and I was overwhelmed by the amount of people crowded in the tiny room. I'm talking elbow room, y'all.

Then people started asking me about the contest, and I'm thinking to myself I should have printed and worn the "No I Didn't Win," t-shirt. I was so overwhelmed with anxiety and claustrophobia I couldn't even say, "I'm over that.....if you need more information, please refer to www.areyoubreathing.com May 17."

I should have at least printed a t-shirt that said that......oh well.

So after the claustrophobia learning area, we hit the book fair. It made sense, because at that point I was looking for a way out, fast.

"Books?" I say. "You want books, of course, you can have books," I tell the boys.

I didn't even say, "after we buy books, we're outta here." I played it cool. I knew I didn't have to say it, because lady luck was playing straight into my hand.

After our purchase, we made our way down to the lower playground for 10 minutes, a playground devoid of anything educational (fun may be completely under rated by some educational administrators). The boys played happily, while learning no-thing.

Then I roped them in with, "time to read your new books." And we shuttled off to the car without a single complaint. Goodbye, Ocean's Night, goodbye.

Squirrels Harrass Tourists at Carmel Beach, California

Carmel Beach isn't just for people and dogs. Say hello to Ms. Squirrel.

"Hi!"

I learned yesterday, while at Carmel Beach, there is not only a dog catcher, but a squirrel catcher, too. And, I'm fairly certain they are one in the same person.

My dog and I got busted here months ago for being too far away from each other. Yes, apparently there is no leash law at Carmel Beach, but there is a Minimum Distance Requirement. Who knew?

"Not me," I assure the officer.

Besides, the only reason she wandered away from me is to find food because we don't feed her enough at home. Dog food is expensive.

"If people didn't leave food behind on the sand dune my dog wouldn't wander away from me," I explain to the officer, but she didn't care.

Excuse me, isn't that called littering?

The reason my dog wandered away from me is, probably, the same reason the squirrels are so tame around here. They love people with food. And every person is potentially a people with food to a squirrel.

Yesterday, I found myself, eavesdropping on the dog/squirrel catcher. I couldn't help myself. She was talking to an innocent tourist having a picnic on the beach when I overheard her, ask him the most ridiculous question ever.

"Are these squirrels harassing you and your family?" asks the police officer.


Those handcuffs are far too big for a squirrel.

I immediately had visions of trapping cages laced with poison. My husband's visions were far worse and involved a gun. His visions were so bad, in fact, the mere mention of them could leave the entire Internet with nightmares for weeks.

The man, not wanting to get the squirrels busted, or worse, answers, "No."

"Phew!" says the squirrel.


What I want to know is, who do the squirrels complain to when people, such as my son in the tree, harrass them?



Actually he was more disturbed by the squirrel, than the other way around.

"Mommy, make the squirrel move," says Vinny.

But even as I moved closer to the squirrel, the squirrel didn't budge. If it were up to my son, I suppose he would have had the poor squirrel arrested.

"I'm a nice squirrel, really," says the squirrel begging for a nut.

Yes, where do the Mama squirrels file a complaint about the people who give their babies food, creating an unnatural reliance on humans?

"I have never heard of such a place," says the squirrel. "Do you think one really exists?"