The Ocean

Internet, I am certain the ocean is out to get me. And if you know anything about her, you know that's a bad thing.

Yesterday, I'm sitting in the water on my surfboard blabbing my head off to the BFF when a 2,000 pound sea lion sneaks up behind me.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I scream louder than I knew I could.

Sug Sea Lion was just about to swim away until he hears my terror, and says, "I'm going to have some fun with this land lover."

Then Sug Sea Lion starts swimming at me.

Right then I see a wave so I start paddling furiously towards the beach saying, "I hope I catch it!"

The best way to get a sea lion to chase you is to paddle away from him. Yet, I cowardly paddle away from him knowing the results could be bad if he catches me.

Yes, sea lions bite!

Chomp!

Fortunately, I did catch the wave and I rode it all the way in, nearly onto the beach.

Then I proceeded to paddle back out for over five minutes, duck diving wave after wave after wave.

It was the first time in my life I didn't mind being caught inside because Sug Sea Lion was gone by the time I got back to the line up.

About fifteen minutes later, as I'm sitting outside a wave breaks just outside of me. It wasn't a big wave, but since I got bounced off the sandbar last May trying to scurry under a wave with my board, I've gotten into the bad habit of ditching my surfboard.

The main reason for holding onto the board is to protect it from the wave. But I've learned, for one trip to the emergency room I could buy almost two new boards instead.

And where can I buy new body parts? Ahem, see my point?

There is another reason for holding onto the surfboard, and that is it's a flotation device. I paddle a lot faster on my surfboard than I can swim without it.

Which leads to the next part of the story. As the wave begins to explode in front of me, I bail off the side of my board and swim for the bottom of the sea. Unfortunately, while I'm under water I feel my leash pop and my surfboard break free from it's tether, and my leg. Again.

Less than three weeks ago I broke another leash when a gnarly double overhead wave broke right in front me.

"Do you see my board?" I ask the BFF, when I come up for air.

"No, where'd it go?" she wonders looking towards shore.

Then I see a surfer sprinting towards the shore pound and I know exactly where my surfboard is. Getting beat up by crashing waves on the sand.

I swim in, while the surfer rescues my board, hoping Sug Sea Lion doesn't come after me again.

I feel naked without my board, yet overdressed for swimming in my confining 5/4 millimeter thick wetsuit.

Once I make it to land, I grab a backup leash out of the car and paddle back out for a few more fun waves, that I never catch.