SNL: Cold Commercial

This Saturday Night Live skit, featuring Kriten Wiig and some annoying guy, is funny. When I watch it, I laugh out loud so hard it hurts.

Yes, the skit is hilarious, except for the part that SNL STOLE it from my life. Though I am honored they picked funny lady Kristen Wiig to play me.

Internet, Hubby is a Scream Sneezer. It actually sounds more like Sneeze Yelling, but that just doesn't sound as good.

"ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Scream Sneezes Hubby, startling the entire household, releasing adrenaline into every household member's bloodstream, giving everyone the jitters.

At some point in our 20 year relationship, I realized Hubby was going to continue Scream Sneezing, igorning my sound advice. But it doesn't stop me from pleading and begging him to stop.

"The use of the vocal chords while sneezing is a completely VOLUNTARY action of the nervous sytem," I attempt to explain in a scientific Spock-like voice. "You do not have to yell while you sneeze. Um, please stop. You're doing that on porpoise"

After I sneeze, I like to point out, "See, no scream."

I suspect a lifetime of Sneeze-Screaming is hard to undo. I probably need to face the fact that even if Hubby wanted to follow my advice, he is hooked on the Scream-Sneeze like a dog to butt crack. Unfortunately, exposure to loud noises makes my tinnutis act up, which explains the perpetual ringing in my ears.

Though in fairness, the noise in my ears, is due in part to the ten to twenty thousand times daily occurrence of the Horn Honk Nose Blowing ritual.

It's a breathing apparatus not a freaking musical instrument

"Honk, honk, honk," blows Hubby's nose. (imagine the horn of a large semi truck over and over, again)

Honestly, while I can re-enact the Scream Sneeze if I want to, though I don't because I like to set a good example for the boys. I have no idea how he does the Horn Honk?

But based on my Sherlock-like observations, I've discovered the Horn Honk is a freak genetic mutation Hubby inherited from his musically talented step Dad, Goddess rest his soul.

My only hope is our children, for the sake of their future partners, kids and my ears, do not inherit these noisy traits

.