Yes, Honey, Today Is Father's Day

The other night, Stefan and I were watching TV. Well, I was Tivo-ing through the Country Music Television Awards looking for Sugarland, while tweeting on Twitter.

Yes, my multitasking is off the charts in uselessness. But one of my favorite hobbies is making commentary. I have a feeling my Husband appreciates that he can choose to read my commentary, or not, instead of having to listen to it, incessantly.

"Blah, blah, blah, blah," says my Commentary.

Anyways, while we were watching the awards, Stefan noticed Father's Day trending on Twitter. Meaning a lot of people were tweeting about Father's Day on Twitter.

"Did we miss Father's Day?" asks Stefan.

Of course, this sent me into a fit of laughter. And today, the actual day of the Father, I'm letting him know it's his day to do whatever he wants because he is the Best Daddy Ever!!!!!!!

Even more importantly, I'm not the only person who thinks so.

"I want to go with Daddy," shouts Gio.

"No, I want to go with Daddy!" shouts Vinny.

"Now boys, there's enough of Daddy to go around, but please save some of him for me," I say. "So what do you want to do for Father's Day, honey?"

"Sleep," says the Best Daddy Ever.

Where's Vinny?

In general, my husband picks Vinny up from school, everyday, with a few exceptions.

My cell phone rings, "hello," I say.

"I can't find Vinny anywhere," says Stefan. "He isn't in the garden or in any of his usual places.

"Um, Vinny, Daddy is looking for you," I say to my son, who stayed home sick from school. "He wants to know where you are."

In the background the people at home are laughing out loud hysterically. (Me and Vinny)

Stefan the Dad breathes a sigh of relief.

The Mommy Store

"Mommy, you're mean!" says Gio.

"Yeah, maybe you should get a new Mommy since I'm so mean," I say.

"I'm going to take you back to the Mommy store," he says.

"The Mommy Store?" I ask, never having heard of such a place.

"Yeah, the Mommy Store and I am going to get toys instead," he says clearly informing me of my value.

"Okay, well see you later. I'm going to the Mommy Store, where maybe some other kids will want me," I say.

"No, you're too mean," says Gio.

"Oh, okay, bye then," I say thinking the Mommy Store sounds like a nice place to escape right about now. I wonder if there is a wave pool at the Mommy Store? I've always wanted to surf one.

"No, you have to wait until tomorrow to go," says Gio. "Because Daddy isn't here right now to be with me."

"Really?" I say.

Later that day when my husband was home I tell Gio, "bye I'm going to the Mommy store now."

"Okay, bye," Gio says. "Wait a minute, think I want a Mommy. You're the nicest. Daddy can go to the Daddy Store."

"The Daddy Store," exclaims Stefan. "Where is it?"

"Far, far away," says Gio. "You have to take a rocket ship there." I believe he was referencing our earlier conversation on how to get to Jupiter. So I'm just going to assume the Daddy Store is on Jupiter. Talk about a long distance relationship.

Wondering how my oldest son felt about Gio's return purchase return I ask, "Vinny, can you believe Gio said he wanted to send me back to the Mommy Store?"

"Don't worry, Mom, the Mommy Store isn't a real place," Vinny assures me.

Global Orgasm Day (GOD)

The other night my husband and I were computing together.

"So and so just joined Global Orgasm Day (on Facebook)," says Stefan laughing.

"What," I say perking up. My status on Facebook was reading, "Wendy is tired." Not anymore.

"You should join that honey," Stefan says.

I always do what he tells me and I joined. "Hey that was fun," I say. "You should join too," I suggest.

"No, I don't need to put that out there," he quips.

Oh well his loss.

The idea behind Global Orgasm Day (GOD) is during and after orgasm, members should envision world peace. According to GOD, "the goal is to add so much concentrated and high-energy positive input into the energy field of the Earth that it will reduce the current dangerous levels of aggression and violence throughout the world."

They say to do this every 91 days. "What, I don't get it?" says Stefan confused. It didn't make any sense to me either.

Who came up with that number? A yogi? Someone that doesn't really like sex or has a lot of headaches? The number definitely should be every 69 half hours minus 10 hours, which would be about every 24.5 hours. Time for GOD to get a new consultant.

Why not make everyday GOD? Yeah, I can see world peace coming right now. Happy Birthday Stefan!

I Have a Bad Feeling

Last night, all four of us were riding our bikes home in the dark. We had just gotten a bike seat for Gio, thanks to a hot tip from one of my parenting/surfing pals. It was our first family biking outing. We were all happy, once we convinced Gio, "the bike seat is totally safe. You aren't going to fall."

"Okay," he says agreeing to go along with us.

We were a few blocks from home when Vinny said, "I have a bad feeling."

Being a little uncomfortable riding home in the dark with my kids I lied and said, "everything is fine. We'll be home in minutes."

No sooner did I say that when we heard the loudest shrieking noise in the trees above our heads.

"What is that!?" screams Vinny

At this point in my head I am thinking, "great we are about to get attacked by vampire bats. Oh well, at least we are wearing helmets. Or maybe the Ringwraiths from, "Lord of the Rings," are upon us." Of course, I didn't say this out loud that would be mean.

Fortunately, my husband was waiting with Gio across the street. "Those are just raccoons fighting in the tree," he says to every one's relief.

"Whew, so we aren't going to get attacked after all. Not by vampire bats nor Ringwraiths," I think to myself.

"I knew I had a bad feeling," says Vinny.

I had Leif Garrett's baseball card.

Stefan, and I were watching Swingtown's latest episode the other night, when one of the characters mentions Leif Garrett.

Stefan then realizing maybe he did have a connection to the show shouts, "I had his baseball card!"

"You so did not have his baseball card, and I can prove it right now," I say. "He was my junior high school boyfriend," I say stretching my obsession to a lie.

I pause Swingtown. I love watching T.V. on the Internet so much I don't even know what the television is for anymore. (Mental note: cancel Tivo and cable, get rid of dinosaur which is taking up too much space in my house.)

I effortlessly type in L-e-i-f G-a-r-r-e-t-t on You Tube driving my point home with ease. I click on I was made for dancing.

"What was his popular song," Stefan asks?

"We're listening to it. Oh my gosh, I forgot how cute he was," I say transporting back in time to my crush.

Realizing his only connection to Swingtown is me, Stefan admits, "I guess I didn't have his baseball card."