ER

Hubby rocking the neck brace.

This morning I wasn't feeling better. My headache was about the same as last night. I felt nauseous. Based on some sound medical advice, I decided to go to the emergency room just to be sure my brain wasn't bleeding, and my neck vertebrae weren't fractured.

I call Hubby on the phone, "I'm not feeling better so I'm going to the emergency room."

"Do you want me to come?" asks Hubby.

"If you want," I say. But when I really thought about the question, it made me want to burst into tears.

He called back a few minutes later to say, "I got a sub, I'm on my way home."

Thank Goddess.

We got to the ER about 10:30 a.m.

"Hi, she hit her head last night and she has a concussion," says Hubby to a nurse.

"And my son is graduating from kindergarten at one o'clock, is there any way we can make it?" I say.

"I'm not sure you'll have to ask her," says the Nurse, motioning to Nurse 2.

"How are you feeling?" asks Nurse 2.

"Like I have a migraine, and I'm having waves of nausea," I say. "Do you happen to have a bucket? Also, my left arm feels kind of weird. And I need to get to my son's kindergarten graduation by one."

"I think you might make it on time to the graduation," says Nurse 2 optimistically.

But I wasn't sure I believed her because there were at least four battered, bruised and/or bleeding patients ahead of me.

Like a migraine, one of the symptoms of a concussion is light sensitivity.

"This waiting room is so bright, I feel like I'm going to throw up," I say. "I wonder if we can go into that room over there?"

"Sure, let's go," says Hubby.

But as soon as we stepped into the unlit room, the bright lights came on.

"Ugh," I moan. "I'm turning them off."

"You can't turn them off," says Hubby.

But I could and I did. Thank Goddess.

About ten minutes later Nurse Dude called my name to be seen by an ER Doc. Internet, you'll never guess who we ran into there. Yes, that's exactly right! The ER Doc who was on call when Vinny had his Appendicitis/Abscess episodes.

How did you know?!

Dr. Sam I am, is not only Vinny's ER Doc, but he also happens to be a surfer. I've surfed with him a couple of times since the Appendicitis/Abscess episodes.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" asks Dr. Sam I am.

"Oh, I hit my head surfing," I say, as I'm being led to Room 007. "Come see me. I have to be at my younger son's kindergarten graduation by one.

"I'll be right there," says Dr. Sam I Am.

And this is where I'm not sure if it pays more to surf, or go to the ER regularly. Though I'm pretty sure that going to the ER doesn't pay, as this visit is going cost us at least two grand. Double ugh.

But two grand is better than dying in my sleep from a bleeding brain, I suppose. Especially since I have two young children I don't want ending up like characters in a Disney movie.

Why does the Mom always die, Walt, why?

"Hey that last time we surfed together was pretty fun," says Dr. Sam I Am, entering the room. "She was ripping! She surfs really good."

"Yeah, I know," says Hubby, used to people being surprised by this.

Dr. Sam I Am concluded from my symptoms that I should have xrays and a CT scan.

"If you get a scan you have to wear a hard neck brace," says Dr. Sam I Am.

"Sure, no problem," I say.

And that's where the trouble began.

Enter Nurse Grumpy Pants.

"I'm here to help you get out of your clothes, and into this gown and neck brace," says Nurse Grumpy Pants.

"I can undress myself," I say, not wanting to get necked in front of her.

I have given birth twice. And, yes, I regularly, accidentally expose my butt crack at the beach, but I do have some modesty. Besides, she wasn't exactly wining and dining me.

"Do I have to take off my bra, too?" I ask.

"Yes," says Nurse Grumpy Pants, sternly.

Great. I turn my back to Nurse Grumpy Pants, slipping out of my clothes and into my gown awkwardly, somehow tying my bra and gown together. And it gets worse from here.

"Okay, I'm going to put the brace on you," says Nurse GP.

"It's putting too much pressure where I hit my head," I say taking off the brace. "It hurts."

"If you don't wear the brace you could end up paralyzed," says Nurse GP.

"I'll take my chances," I say.

And this is where it gets better.

"Fine," says Nurse Grumpy Pants, who turned and left the room, never to be seen again.

Everyone else was really nice. Even Nurse Dude, who came in to tell me stories about how people who didn't wear the brace ended up paralyzed.

"No thanks," I say.

Maybe they should have given me a neck brace that wasn't made for a petite giant.

The CT scans were kind of intense, but they were over pretty quickly. Though I had to keep my eyes closed and repeatedly count backwards from ten to prevent claustrophobia from taking over my body and bolting out of the oversized spaceship like camera.

Though I half expected to be on another planet, or at the very least, the exit door when the USS CT Scan ride came to a complete stop.

The xrays, went a little better, but I think I got a few xtra doses of radiation, due to a blurry snapshot or two. Rats, I should have had Xray Tech Guy go ahead and do my mammogram, too. It's that time of year, again. Could have saved myself a trip.

Once all the picture taking was complete, Hubby and I went back to Room 007 where we found James Bond chatting it up with a saucy blond. And she wasn't even a nurse. They must have gotten the wrong dimension.

I know I'm a little more off track than normal, but remember Internet, I hit my head, hard.

"Everything looks good," says Dr Sam I Am, walking into the room, ten minutes later. "Looks like you're going to make it to graduation."

But all I was thinking is, "looks like I'm going to make it."