My hair had so much fun surfing today!
Being out in public with surfing hair is embarrassing. Before I had kids I would just go home and wash surfing hair down the drain. But now I find myself picking up my kids with surfing hair and generally being seen in public with surfing hair.
In the winter, I hide my surfing hair under a beanie. This behavior amusingly got me invited to a knitting group. I don't knit. I am not that kind of girl, yet. Yes, at forty I enjoy being called a girl, but I hated it at 18. Oh how perceptions change with time.
Surfing Hair making my nose look big.
I thought only pants could make butts look big.
In the Fall, Spring and Summer it is often too hot for a beanie. Hence, my once innocent quest began to find a solution, other than hat, for my surfing hair. I started with one curl enhancing product that Jennifer Nettles says she can't live without. Turns out I am allergic to this headache inducing hair concoction. Even great hair can't make headache face look good, I am afraid. Since then I been trying out reams of other hair products to find the perfect one. Does that sound familiar to anyone?
The other reason I didn't originally run the alternate ending is I have a self imposed no swearing rule for the blog. But thanks to Dan, I am now clear that whore and slut are not curse words. If however, he is wrong about the classification of whore and slut as non-curse words, then let today mark the point in time this blog became trashy.
Old Blog, New Ending
A few days ago, the waves were small, so I decided to run at least one errand while Gio attended school. I am proud to say I ran three errands and still managed to go for a walk on the beach. In my world, this is a record.
Normally, I ditch all my errands and just go for a surf, or a walk or a bike ride. Any surfer's only hope of getting anything done is for the waves to be unsurfable. And no real surfer ever wishes for that. Fortunately, Mother Nature schedules down days for us poor folks. And this works if we don't find something else fun to do, which we usually do.
I made a great parental discovery in the check out line during one of my glorious errands that day. The check out guy had an uncanny knack for scaring small children into complete silence. "Want to come home with me," I didn't say knowing my husband would mind even if Check Out Guy could get the kids to be quiet.
Drawn to his superb talent I ask him, "if I bring my kids into the store could you please scare them into silence too?"
"No problem, it's all good!" he says happily. "I can give them stickers, too."
"No, they like stickers and if you give them stickers they will like you too," I say not wanting him to diminish all his scariness in one fell swoop.
"So what do y'all do for fun?" he asks.
"Oh well we hang out and I surf a lot," I say.
"You surf?" he asks. "You surf?" he says slowly trying to wrap his brain around the concept. In his head he's thinking, "did she mean to say her husband surfs and she sits on the beach in her g-string bikini watching the kids?" Oh yeah right and I also take pictures of my husband every time he surfs, too. (Every surfer's wet dream.)
"Yes," I answer for clarification barely holding back my, "what you think 40 year old Moms can't surf or something?" attitude.
"That's tight," he says totally pulling me out of my cloud of self defensiveness. Still looking me up and down, not totally convinced I surf he adds, "well you have the hair for it."
Me and my surfing hair.
I spent the rest of the day wondering wilco tango foxtrot (WTF), "well you have the hair for it," meant. Was my hair messy and unkempt? Blond? Did I have sand in my hair? Did I have Jeff Spiccoli hair? Did I have post-surf hair, even though I hadn't actually surfed? Has he seen Kelly Slater's lack of hair lately?
New Ending:
Hmmm. Oh my gosh. I figured it out. He could tell from my hair that I am a hair product whore, which would naturally lead any logical person to the conclusion that I am obviously a surfing slut.
3 comments:
LOL! AHHH!
I have a response to your "Surfing Hair making my nose look big? I thought only pants could make butt look big". Im going to combine that statement and add a little to create a true statement... SURFING HAIR MAKES YOUR BUTT LOOK SMALL... this is because when your hair is frazzled and large, everything else on your body looks smaller. Also, coming from someone who can sympathize with your surfing hair, I find if you get a good shampoo, conditioner, and leave in conditioner, you can get out of the bad cycle of hair product whoreness. Even though the shampoo may be more expensive, you're not WHORE-ding tons of different brands and bottles of shampoo, which actually saves you money and the environment.
Except sometimes my hair problem is it's too small, not too big. Big hair people may not be able to relate to this problem and that's okay.
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