Thursday, October 30, 2008

Toilet Paper Bong

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Both Nay Nay the Cat and Gio the Kid love playing with the roll of toilet paper. What a cheap pet toy. What a cheap kid toy. But no matter who is playing with it, it is a very messy toy.

I haven't had this problem with the kitty for years. When she first discovered the toilet paper toy we went through a few recycled rolls before realizing putting the roll in backwards put an end to all of her fun.


Now with Gio, once again we are using recycled rolls of toilet paper. At first I rolled them back onto the roll. This gave the toilet paper a lopsided look.

However, Gio's last unraveling detached the paper from the roll leaving a creative looking project on the floor. Rather than put it back on the roll I've resorted to pulling what I need from the pile.

I can probably only do this in the, "almost complete after nearly three years bathroom." All the urine seems to make it into the toilet, probably because I am the only one who uses it. And it isn't as if I have said, "Don't use the new bathroom. It's all mine, my precious."

I don't say that because I don't have to. The bathroom has been out of commission for nearly three years, and it doesn't occur to anyone besides myself to use this bathroom. It is almost as if it doesn't exist in their minds. Actually I only thought of using it just the other day.

Did someone just ask,"What the heck took you so long?"

Well, I like to surf. And then there is the whole, "we've been overwhelmed by the entire parenting experience for over seven years, which makes it hard to get anything done besides breakfast +dishes , lunch+dishes and dinner +dishes and laundry," issue.

And it didn't help that we remodeled the bathroom in baby steps. We pulled out the old tile and sink before I picked out the new floor tile and wall tile and deco tile and sink and faucet and floor grout and wall grout .

It's hard to find purple and yellow tile. I won't even mention the funny looks I got at the tile store when I asked, "Where is the purple and yellow tile, please?" The expressions grew more bewildered when I clarified my request with, "Well, I need the tile to match my aura."

Oh and at first I wanted to have some surfing wave thing happening, but the ocean is blue not purple and that just doesn't go with my aura so I had to let go of that design idea. Although once the tile people realized I was a surfer, this summed up all my weirdness into one perfect stereotype in their heads, "Pothead." Excuse me, do I look like Jeff Spicoli? I don't even talk like him, dude!

For the blog record, I am not a pothead, although I might have been at some point in my life before I surfed. Recovered druggies like to make drug references because it recreates that "flashback feeling." Hold, please, I'm flashingback...................................

I wouldn't exactly say Stoner is an inaccurate stereotype of surfers. But surfing actually made me say, "No to drugs!" I'm backwards like that.

Surfing bliss is an amazing natural high, but I guess a lot of surfers don't feel the same way I do. "Dude, I surf so much better when I'm stoned." Sure you do, Jeff.

Hence, this may possibly explain my surfing addiction. One crutch traded in for another crutch. But hey, I hear it's a "healthy addiction." And that has a lot to do with my yellow aura, which if it has healthy addictions, is not tempted by the negative ones, usually.

Wait what was I talking about? Oh yeah, right the bathroom. Wow. At first we couldn't use the shower. But we could still relieve our bladders and be sanitary immediately after. Then the old sink and cabinet got ripped out replaced by a new cabinet with no sink or faucet. There goes sanitation. Then the toilet went. No need for sanitation. And for a long time we had to take mini vacations in the middle of the night just to use the bathroom. "Taxi!"

We've almost come full circle. Now we can go to the bathroom and wash our hands. It is nice to be able to do those two activities in the same room. A lot can happen on the way to finding an alternate hand washing venue. Fortunately there is a sink with running water in the kitchen, where we handle the food.

And someday soon I am sure I will be able to take a shower in their as well. Serious foreshadowing.

So now when I want a little private time I go into the bathroom that no one thinks of using. Sometimes it takes them hours to find me. Especially when I don't answer their calls. And now everyone knows why many of my blog photos are taken in the bathroom.

Did someone say, "Ewwww, that's grooooooooooooooooos!" Wait, that was yesterday, never mind.

7 comments:

Unknown said...

Good for you. I would hide in there too. I would love to be able to use the bathroom without an audience but unfortunately I'm like the pope on my papal throne. No one seeks me out until the moment I sit down.

Anonymous said...

At least your new crutch is something positive. :)

wendy@areyoubreathing.com said...

Does a 22 year old crutch qualify as "new?"

Anonymous said...

Wow... you have your own bathroom! Where's your husband's bathroom?

wendy@areyoubreathing.com said...

He uses the commoner's bathroom.

Anonymous said...

How can you put the toilet paper in backwards?

Anonymous said...

I want that bagel!

 
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