Surf Report Abstinence

A lot of my friends surf.

Conversations in surfing relationships tend to revolved around surfing.

Makes sense.

I even enjoy talking about surfing when I'm surfing. But I've been on the surfing injured list for a month, and the last thing I want to talk about is surfing.

Yeah, you read right. "Please don't talk to me about surfing."

"So and so said It Smells Like Something Died Beach was really good last weekend," says Stefan.

"Why are you telling me?" I ask. "I don't want to hear about how good it's been."

I know he was just trying to be nice, but I need the whole world to stop talking about how good the surf has been.

I know it's unlike me, but I just can't take hearing about how great the waves are, again and again, when I can't enjoy them. It's the equivalent of a chocolate lover being in a chocolate shop savoring the aroma, but not being able to eat any, all the while sucking up drool.

I have taken the drastic step of telling my friends, "really you don't need to call me after you check the waves. In fact, please don't."

Or

"Can we please talk about something besides surfing."


Most of my friends have taken the hint, they've stopped calling and texting me with, or for surf reports. It's been a little lonely. I feel like a rich person who has a lot of friends, who then goes bankrupt and friendless.

And the ones that do call every few weeks, have usually forgotten I can't surf. I have to remind them of my non surfing status. At least then, they remember.

"Oh yeah, how's your shoulder?" they ask.

Hearing how great the surf has been only makes my heart ache.

Now, if my friends want to call and complain how terrible the waves are or how cold the water is, or that there were a hundred hungry surfers on one peak, well, I would welcome that. Even if they have to lie.

I was delighted when one of my friends on Facebook said, "it's too cold too surf."

Complaint surf reports would make me thankful for my injury, but lately it's just been too good for most of my surfing friends too notice the bad part of surfing.

Even without their surf reports, "it's been so fun," I have driven by the beach enough to know it's been really good without me.

I still check the buoys online to see how big the waves are. Thanks to my windsock, I always know which way the wind is blowing. But I always wear a bib when partaking in these voyeuristic activities.