Booty Parlor Party

These days a woman doesn't have to sell Tupperware, Avon or Pampered Chef to make a little extra cash. Yes, these days a women can sell sexiness and all the lovely trappings that go with it via Booty Parlor Party (get the play on words? beauty parlor!).

"I don't want to have to cook!" says the bootician at a recent Booty Parlor Party I attended, on why she doesn't sell Pampered Chef.

"Amen!" I say.

I wonder is there something I can sell so I never have to to cook, either? Oh yeah, that would require having a wife, probably. Can I get one of those? I have always thought parenting would me be much easier if there were three or four parents instead of just the two of us.

Then we wouldn't have to lock the kids out of our bedroom.

"Wait, they're getting the key," I tell Stefan.

Fortunately, Stefan thinks quickly on his back and tells 'em, "Go watch TV," right before they stick the key in the lock. What you haven't seen the movie "Woman on Top?"

At least, the word "TV" immediately stops the lock from turning, so we can finish our little game. I'm not talking about Sony Playstation 3 or Nintendo Wii, Internet.

When I got home from the Booty Party, Gio asks me, "Did you have fun at the pirates' booty party?" Of course, he thought this was hilarious.

"Yes, I loved the pirates' booty party," I tell him, knowing he's thinking of cheddar popcorn, while my mind is in the gutter.

There wasn't any pole dancing at the party. But there was food and alcohol, with drinks like Sex on the Beach, and Pink Panties. I didn't drink, but I got a serious sugar high from the Better Than Sex chocolate cake.

So high I had to ask the hostess and possible future bootician, "is there alcohol in this cake?"

"No," she answered.

To which my friend told me, "you can stop acting drunk now."

Yeah, I'm a feather weight.

The party wasn't all freaky like I thought it would be, but there was plenty of touching and feeling up of the products. It wasn't all toys, the products ranged from bronzing skin creams to edible body decorating chocolate. There was also sexy lingerie, including vibrating panties with remote control(that works up to 20 feet away). Then there were the toys, highly advanced computerized toys and wild animals, such as rabbits.

With Booty Parlor Parties, sex can be nice or naughty or a little of both, and it smells good, too. Very important!

My only complaint about the toy products is, there were no plug ins. Sorry, but I prefer my power to come from PG&E not Duracell. The energizer bunny does not keep going and going and going.

Luckily, my friend had a solution I could feel good about. "Just go to Costco and buy a box of batteries."

I was impressed with their range of toys. One particular toy was even disguised as lipstick. Yes, vibrating lipstick, Internet. Very clever, indeed.

"Be careful when you go into Mama's purse." At least now I know what the secret compartment is for!

The next party is scheduled for April 3rd, all I can say is, I may have to become a bootician just to afford going to the bi-monthly parties.